Professor Arc Omakes
by Sithking Zero
Summary: Short bits of randomness from Coeur Al'Aran's story "Professor Arc," which has Jaune as a professor of Beacon Academy. Non-canon to that story, of course, but on the plus side, this story is recommended by four out of five doctors as a good source of your daily intake of craziness.
1. Jaune Snaps

*knock, knock, knock*

"Come in," came a groan.

Velvet opened the door slowly, before peeking her head through and asked "Professor? I- oh my goodness, are you all right?"

While she wasn't fond of the youngest member of Beacon's staff, particularly his attempts to try to get her to see him for counseling, even she had to feel a pang of sympathy for how Professor Jaune Arc looked.

His eyes were bloodshot and had more bags than were considered strictly healthy. His normally carefully combed hair was matted and streaked with fluids, and his professional-looking jacket was torn in several places. Rather more concerningly to her, though, was the shield blocking his body from her in one arm, and the battered-looking blade still carrying splotches of fluid in the other.

"Sir…?" she tried again. His glazed eyes twitched. "Should I get Professor Goodwitch or Ms. Kits-"

"Let me guess," he growled, causing her to start. "Your grades have been slipping lately and you'd like some 'help.'"

She nodded very slowly, terrified that motion might set him off.

"Well" he gestured grandly, "Let me guess how this is going to go."

He pointed at her vest. "You start off all nice and reasonable, asking me about extra credit, and then as 'incentive,' you take off your clothes, with some lacey thing underneath to try to entice me." He spun on one foot, throwing his hands in the air. "It won't work! I've resisted far hotter than you! I won't go to jail for hitting on jailbait! Do you know what they do to guys like me who do that stuff in prison?" He spun in place again, glaring at Velvet with eyes practically glowing with fear. "Do you? Because I don't. All I know is you're not supposed to drop the soap! Mom wouldn't let me watch any more of those movies!"

He then began to pace. "And no one ever takes no for an answer! Apparently to hunters 'no thanks, I have to do my _freaking job_ so that I don't get _fired_ ' means 'sure, let me slip into something more comfortable!' and if you wait too long they try to take it themselves! Here's a thought, 'No means No' works for _men,_ too!"

He ran his hands through his hair more and more aggressively as he continued to pace. "Oh, but the _students_ , they're not the worst, the _adults_ are! This crazy woman in a red dress keeps giving me these looks every time I'm in town like I'm some sort of five course meal, Kitsune goes _on_ and _on_ about how she'd like to ' _find out how large my aura is_ '- and I can't figure out if that's innuendo or if she's planning to dissect me, with her, it could be both- and then there's Raven." By this point he was back behind his desk and slumped into his seat, head in his hands.

"My gods, Raven. You know, you think that the students are bad? Raven can _create wormholes with her mind._ She makes the fabric of the fourth dimension her _bitch,_ but oh, how does she use this power? Sneaking into my private quarters to attempt to get a _booty call._ "

Jaune Arc, professor of Beacon, looked up over his fingers to glare at the petrified Velvet. "So, tell me now, how are _you_ going to chase me? Claim that rabbits do it better? Simply pin me to the blackboard and have your way with me there? What excuse are you going to use this time, Hm? HM?"

By the end of his speech, he was panting heavily. Velvet very carefully opened the door and lowered her book bag to the ground.

"Professor," she began slowly, "I have something that I need you to answer: How much sleep have you gotten all week?"

"I haven't slept for three nights! They haven't gotten me yet!"

"Okay, then. Because you aren't thinking clearly, I won't hold the 'Bunny' slur against you… but I came in here to ask you something because I honestly do need help in my class." She took a deep breath before continuing slowly. "Last week, I was down with the flu, and I missed Professor Oobleck's assignment from Thursday. This week he's taking some of the third years on a camping trip in Forever Fall, so I was wondering if you had his lesson plans for that day." She began to slowly approach the desk, wincing at how her professor cringed at the sound of every footfall she made. "If you have those plans, I just need what the homework assignment for that day was. I'll do the homework, and you can go to sleep," a sniff, "And perhaps take a shower. I guarantee that I'm not here to try to sleep with you. All right?"

Jaune stared at her for a moment, before he slowly nodded and began to dig through his desk for his archived lesson plans. After a few minutes, he pulled out a sheet covered in cramped, yet neat, handwriting. "Ah, let's see… last week's would be… chapters thirty-six and thirty-seven, and a three-page paper on how the Color Revolution affected nomenclature in Vacuo." A moment of hesitation, "Is… is there anything else, Ms. Scarletina?"

"No, professor, that's all," she replied, tapping a note into her scroll.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry about the whole…" he waved a hand over his shoulder, "Thing."

She gave a wry grin. "Last year, before I got hurt, my team challenged ourselves to see who could go the longest without sleep. We didn't have the best judgements about things either."

"Oh yeah, wasn't that the thing where-"

"Yes, and to this day Mistrallian Shampoo is _still_ not allowed on Campus. Darn shame."

"Heh, yeah. If you don't mind, I think I need to take a nap…"

"Got it, professor. Sorry to… yeah."

"No, I'm the one who should be saying sorry… I'll see you in class, Ms. Scarletina."

She nodded in response, before turning to leave. As she opened the door further, she saw Lie Ren raise his hand, about to knock, but stopped before he did so. Velvet leaned in close.

"If you have to speak, do it quickly. He's feeling very, _very_ under the weather, if you catch my drift," she whispered.

Ren gave a confident smirk. "Don't worry, I won't make him feel any worse."

Velvet nodded, slightly confused by his words, but continued on her way. Ren, on the other hand, walked right up to his professor's desk.

"Mister… Lie Ren? How can I help you?"

"Well," Ren stated in a voice oozing with charm, "I'm having some trouble with my grades, Professor…" as he said this, he shucked off his coat and shirt, revealing the silk negligee he wore underneath it and making all the hairs on the back of Jaune's neck stand on end. "And I was wondering if I could do… _something_ to convince you to help me."

It was at this moment that Jaune Arc snapped.

"See Glynda? Being outside for once is much better than being cooped up in that office of yours."

Glyda sighed. "I assure you, I would spend much less time 'Cooped Up' there if you did more of the paperwork."

"Details," Ozpin waved off. "Besides, even you have to admit that a little fresh air can't hurt."

"I suppose not. And it's nice to see that things are fairly normal around here for once."

"Indeed. No terrorist organizations, no monsters, no dances to prepare for, no robot attacks, no criminals…"

A loud shriek pierced the air, and the two most powerful hunters at Beacon Academy witnessed Lie Ren, wearing only a see-through negligee and a royal blue speedo, running as fast as he could from their newest teacher, who looked like at least three miles of bad road, chasing him with both arms holding Crocea Mors over his head, screaming incoherently.

"BLOOD! DEATH! YOU WON'T TAKE ME! YOU WON'T TAKE ME YOU BASTARDS! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIVE! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA!"

The two rounded a corner and disappeared from sight, but the sounds of chase continued.

"Glynda?"

"Yes, Ozpin?"

"Schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist for Mr. Arc. I think he might need it soon."

"Yes Headmaster."

"Oh, and grant him some time off. He looked like he needs some sleep…"

Sithking Zero: … Welp, that happened.


	2. Yang's Mistake

"Miss Xiao Long, thank you for coming to see me."

Jaune sat at his desk, and across from him was his nearly eternal bane and discipline problem, the Blonde Bombshell herself.

"Oh, you know I'd make the time for you, Prof," she smirked, folding her arms under her ample chest and lifting ever so slightly. Not enough to be obscene or blatant, but just the right amount to _accentuate_ , to _hint_ at the wonders that lay beneath that jacket of hers.

Her grin widened as his eyebrows twitched slightly, but otherwise he gave no reaction. She knew she'd get a more substantial reaction out of him one day… and if she was right about what she had been called in for, she was about to get it.

"Miss Xiao Long-"

"Call me Yang, Prof."

"Very well, then, _Yang,_ I suppose that you're wondering why I called you in here today."

"Surprise me," she stated demurely as she leaned back in her seat.

"It's about what you've been putting on your history homework for the last week."

The grin was now in full force. _Called it,_ she thought victoriously. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," she replied innocently.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Really?" He lifted up the bottom sheet from a pile in front of him, "You don't recall writing, 'If you give me a passing grade on this, I'll let you feel my muscles?'"

"Nope."

"Despite it being written in the same pen as the rest of the homework."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"And being in your handwriting."

"I think I'm being framed."

"And you signed it 'The Sexy Mistress Yang."

"I swear I saw Cardin writing something on there."

He rubbed his eyes as he sighed. "Let's take a look at some of the others, shall we? 'Blondes have more fun, let's see if together that's cumulative or a multiplier,' 'You have an eye for fashion, Prof, but those fashionable clothes would look better on my floor,' 'Would you like to see exactly how hot my Semblance can make things?' Quite frankly, though, this last one confuses me: 'For a good time call Yang' followed by contact information." He turned, confused, to the smirking beauty. "I get why you'd put it down, but… you are aware that your teachers have the numbers of all the scrolls of those attending Beacon, correct?"

"It's my _private_ scroll."

He stared at her with a deadpan expression.

"If that was me that wrote that on the homework, of course."

"Of course. And something else interesting that I noticed, was that these assignments start roughly three weeks ago, when Doctor Oobleck announced that I would be grading homework for his class thanks to his work on his upcoming book."

"Wow, that _is_ a coincidence. I hope you find whoever is doing this, you must be _so_ embarrassed."

"Actually, I'm not, which is sort of why we're having this conversation, Yang."

Yang's smirk vanished, replaced by a confused look.

"Now, I've tried to piece together what happened, but the day after he announced that, you were in Ms. Kitsune's office, correct?"

"Ruby got a little too enthusiastic in a sparring session, I had to go get one of my ribs checked out."

"Was it okay?"

"Just a bruised rib, nothing too serious. It's all healed now. Thanks for caring about me, Professor," she gave a softer smile this time.

"All right, that explains it… because if you had attended that particular class, you would have heard that Doctor Oobleck made a mistake. He failed to mention that I would be grading homework for the _second_ years, not the _first_ years. I never saw these until the grader brought them to me and asked me to talk to you about it."

Yang, over the course of his statement, had slowly turned white until even Weiss might have thought she looked a tad paler than was strictly healthy.

"I-it wasn't Oobleck, was it? I swear, I might flirt, but I don't do it to married men! Did Ms. Sheila say anything? I have to tell her I'm sorry, I don't want to annoy her-" she stammered.

Jaune raised his hands in a calming gesture. "I assure you that Ms. Sheila doesn't know, and Oobleck wasn't grading first year papers." He shuddered slightly at the memory of meeting the Doctor's wife. She was a _scary_ woman, but she loved her husband, eccentricities and all. "The teacher that _was_ grading your papers made sure to contact me, as the Student Advisor, to try to make sure that this wasn't going to be a problem. She felt it would be unprofessional to confront you if you were serious about this, and thought it might help to get an outsider's perspective on this, i.e. mine."

"Wait, wait, _she?!"_

Jaune nodded. "Professor Goodwitch says that if you weren't serious, then you have detention with Professor Port for the next week. If you were, she wants me to tell you that she's flattered, but you aren't her type and are a tad too immature for her tastes."

TWO HOURS LATER

Amid roars of laughter from the other members of the staff, Jaune gasped out, "And I didn't think it was possible for a human to _turn_ that color that fast, but she did, and she _sprinted_ out of my office!"

Port clapped a hand on his shoulder, shaking with mirth. "Perhaps this will keep her more focused on her studies and less on the members of the staff, eh?"

Glinda smirked. "I doubt it. She might be a good huntress, but the best hunters tend to be stubborn. It'll take more than this to knock the lesson of 'don't flirt with the staff,' into her head."

"Perhaps better that way? Stubborn streak means willingness to not give up. Be poor huntress if willing to give up quarry at first sign of difficulty. Doubtless side effects showing up in more innocuous ways. Pursuing romantic relations with a perceived strong figure, not backing down even in the face of evidence that the action is a mistake…" Oobleck inhaled through his nostrils strongly. "Problematic."

"We run a school for soldiers," Ozpin murmured into his coffee, "Some side effects were… inevitable."

Jaune stood up from the staff table, stretching his arms carefully. "Well," he announced, "I'd like to finish that book on PTSD before I go to sleep tonight, so I'm going to head back to my room. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

As he turned towards the door, Glinda's hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder. He turned to face her, and she looked directly into his eyes. "Thank you very much, Mr. Arc. You handled this very well."

He nodded while smiling. "You're welcome, Glinda. What are friends for?"

She pulled him close and whispered, "Play your cards right and you'll find out what I mean when I said that Ms. Xiao Long wasn't that mature…"

He gaped at her as she walked away demurely.

MEANWHILE…

Lie Ren, leader of team RVNN, carefully knocked on the door of Team RWBY, and was greeted by a frazzled looking Weiss.

"What!" She cried, before seeing Red with Nora bouncing on her heels close behind. "Oh, it's you."

"Yes, me. The other team on this floor elected me to-"

"I thought they said they were all scared of Yang, and that you're the only one who wasn't at the meeting."

"The other teams _elected me_ to be the one to ask your team to please stop using the shower, you've used up all the hot water." He paused. "For the next week."

Weiss rolled her eyes. "You think we haven't been trying to get her out of there? She's been in there for the last hour and a half. She ran in the room, ripped off her clothes and jumped in the shower saying something about 'never be clean again.' Ruby's done everything from getting fresh cookies for her to promising her free vouchers to that club downtown she likes, but she still won't leave."

In the shower, the water had long since run cold, but Yang was beyond caring as she scrubbed her skin hard.

 _I can't believe I was accidentally flirting with GOODWITCH! Ugh, I don't feel clean… and she thinks I'm not her type? The hell! Ugh. Stupid Goodwitch._

She thought of the handsome professor she _thought_ she had been making hot-and-bothered, but apparently wasn't, and he didn't even react to her well-thought-out messages!

 _Doesn't take the time to appreciate genius… stupid Jaune._

But the biggest kicker of all had been when he had stopped her before she sprinted to her room and told her the _last_ message that Goodwitch had wanted him to relay to her.

" _Oh, Yang? Goodwitch wanted me to tell you that though she appreciates your attention, it's really rude of you to be cheating on Blake like this."_

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid Yang._

Sithking Zero: Professor Arc has a lot of Jaune getting his ass kicked emotionally and physically.

But every now and then, you gotta figure that he wins at least one fight.

Also, yes, I couldn't remember what Oobleck actually sounded like, so I basically channeled Mordin Solus from Mass Effect.

Ozpin's words are something that do freak me out a little- these kids are being turned into living weapons. No one really considers this in the show, and it's a little terrifying.

Altogether this was WAY too much fun to write.


	3. Ren Observes

Lie Ren sighed as he scratched the back of his head. He was getting a gentle tingling there, and he knew quite well what it meant.

Long ago, his parents had met with some old friends of theirs that they hadn't seen for quite some time. They got along well enough, laughing and going over old battles and new problems with their lives. It had been quite boring for Ren, until his parents' friends revealed that they had a child about his age. A daughter. And that how wonderful it would be if they got along, since 'Dear little Ren isn't really all that social, and she doesn't have many friends herself, why don't we allow them to meet?'"

Said daughter then introduced herself by attacking him with an inflatable hammer, demanding that he play with her. What followed was perhaps the most violent tea party ever recorded on home video.

Nora had not matured much since that fateful meeting.

And while he would never outright admit it, he was grateful to have someone like Nora. She may be… eccentric, to say the least, but she was loyal to her friends, optimistic, kind, and understanding… in her own way. Despite what some assumed due to her… her-ness, she was quite intelligent- building, maintaining, and successfully utilizing a weapon like Magnhild was not a task for the feeble-minded, particularly in the highly inventive ways that she used it. In addition, though Ren would go to the grave before admitting it, she had a nearly photographic memory when it came to dates, and it was only thanks to her assistance that he had managed to pass history class the year before.

All that being said, he had grown to learn several valuable lessons Nora- the first being, that sometimes, despite how prepared you were, all you could do is figure out when to duck. Being around Nora for so long, this had become practically second nature to him.

At that moment, standing near the door of the Home Economics classroom, he was feeling the urge to "Duck" so to speak. Hard. He pressed his back against the wall next to the door in response.

For an eternal moment there was silence. Then, muffled cries wafted through the walls, the sound of banging cutlery and dishes, the _crack_ of gunfire- and then a loud explosion shook building, Ren jumping at the sound.

He didn't have much time to react, though, as Pyrrah Nikos burst through the door, hair completely on fire, before she moved faster than he'd ever seen her move before in the direction of the courtyard. _The fountain?_ He mused, _Interesting choice. I would have gone for the fire extinguisher…_

Meanwhile, more people had exited the classroom- this time it was Professor Jaune Arc, and he wasn't alone. Clinging to his backside was a very small woman with singed, multicolored hair, who had one arm wrapped around his neck and the other busy in punching him in the head.

"WHY ARE YOU ONLY PUNCHING THE BURNED PART OF MY FACE?! _WHY ARE YOU ONLY PUNCHING THE BURNED PART OF MY FACE_?!" he shrieked as he fled the classroom, the onslaught continuing as Ruby Rose, covered from head to toe in maple syrup, dashed after the two, swatting at the multicolored woman with a rolling pin, only hitting her about half the time- the rest of her blows landing on her teacher.

"Don't worry, Sempai! I'll save you!" she cried, oblivious to how she was largely making the situation worse. It was at this moment that Nora exited the classroom, and Ren was forced to blink in mild shock.

"Nora?"

"Yes, Ren?"

"Why…" he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "Why are you wearing a chicken costume?"

She nonchalantly ruffled her feathers. "Well, I was in the Emerald Forest looking for truffles-"

"Never mind, that tells me everything I need to know." He ran a hand down his face. "So what exactly happened in there?"

Nora grabbed his hand in a feather-covered glove as she pulled him in the direction of the cafeteria, while Ren gave a small, barely noticeable smile.

"So today we were learning how to make noodles…"

 **Author's Note: I'm not super happy about how this one turned out. The concept I went with was "What does Jaune's Shenanigans look like from the outside?"**

 **I don't think it came out quite right. Not sure why, but it started out with an idea of continuing off from a previous snippet (chapter two) when Neo finds out that there's no hot water. Then it got sillier. I originally wanted Yang and Blake covered in pudding, but couldn't find a way to work them in.**

 **Also, I thought it might be nice to be… well, not mean to Ren for a change. Chapter one? Gay Joke. Chapter Two? Press ganged into trying to get Yang to do something. Here, he gets a break.**

 **Jaune on the other hand, got his break last chapter. He's back to being a punching bag this time.**

 **Poor Ruby. Sorry, your Sempai won't notice you the way you want if you keep smacking him in the face with a rolling pin while trying to help. At least, not in this story. You want people falling in love with individuals who horribly beat them, go read a harem manga. With stories from Sithking, you know that love does not equal physical abuse.**

… **Aside from some for physical comedy, and not much of it at that… Look, Ruby is trying to hit someone else while she's hitting Jaune, that counts for a lot in my book.**

 **Also, I have a solemn promise to make for my readers: I will never, in any of my RWBY stories, use "Monty Oum" as the name of a god in any way, shape, or form. That shit was old when the Brony Fandom was pulling out the "Faust Goddess" stuff, and it's not all that clever. It's also a pretty severe breaker of the suspension of disbelief, so yeah. That's not happening. Same goes for other Rooster Teeth shout-outs that weren't already there (X-Ray and Vav, looking at you). So no Griff, no Edger, no Tower of Pimps, no fake AH crew, no Burnie. My sole exception is Sheila in the last chapter, wife of Oobleck, based on Sheila the tank from RVB, because I ship Sheila and Caboose because I am a demented monkey.**


	4. Port's Fashion

**Sithking Zero: Welp, time for some continuations of Omakes that Coeur already started on! Because my brain is stupid and can't help but continue stories.**

 **Oh, and RWBY or any other properties mentioned are not mine, please don't sue.**

 **Omake: Professor Arc, Chapter 10:**

"Wait a minute," he realized, distracted from Glynda's blush, "That can't still be policy. There's no way that the Council would have gone for having all the huntresses wear combat miniskirts. That sort of thing," he waved his hand in the air, "Wouldn't that go against the values of freedom from the Color Revolution?"

"Are you forgetting about the school uniforms, Jaune?" She asked deadpan.

Jaune opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. "Point taken, but I have seen huntresses wear things that aren't combat miniskirts, so they can't have enforced it."

"Oh they did," she shuddered at the memory. "It did not last long by executive order once it was realized that the alternative was far, far worse."

- _Flashback-_

" _Ah," Ozpin hid his smirk behind his trademark cup of coffee, "The first day of the new dress code. I can't wait to see how people are taking it, don't you Glynda?"_

 _She fought a strong blush as she attempted to pull the skirt down another inch. "Sir, if you weren't paying me so well, I'm fairly sure you would be dead right now."_

" _Only fairly sure?"_

" _The rest of me wants to make sure you stay alive long enough to suffer."_

 _Another sip of the heavenly brew. "Well, as long as you know what your priorities are."_

" _My vengeance shall be swift and terrible, sir."_

 _Said vengeance would have to wait due to the sudden eruption of screams from the courtyard. The two leapt up from their chairs, and raced down the stairs as quickly as they could, Glynda trailing slightly as she was still not used to movement in the new uniform._

 _As they entered the courtyard, they heard the screams and lamentations of their students rise even further._

" _SWEET MERCY, MY EYES! THE SUNGLASSES, THEY DO NOTHING!"_

" _AURA CANNOT REPAIR THE DAMAGE TO MY PUPILS!"_

" _I'M CLOSING MY EYES, BUT I CAN STILL SEE THEM! I CAN STILL SEE THEEEEEM!"_

 _The source of the panic was fairly obvious to see… and to their horror, it began moving towards them. Glynda grabbed her crop in a white-knuckled grip as it approached. It seemed to notice their discomfort, and increased its stride. Ozpin began shaking so badly that coffee began to spill out of his cup and he didn't even notice._

" _Good morning, Headmaster! Good morning, Ms. Goodwitch! What a fine day it is to fill these youngsters' minds with knowledge!" Peter Port announced as he waved to them. Neither the Headmaster nor his Deputy Headmistress noticed, their eyes drawn to the frighteningly pale and hairy legs supporting Peter Port, or the combat miniskirt wrapped around his hips._

 _Ozpin opened his mouth to deliver a well-thought-out, carefully planned series of questions. What instead came out was a series of whimpering, horrified gurgles._

" _P-peter," gasped out Glynda, "W-what are you w-wearing?"_

" _Why, the new uniform, of course! I cannot say how much I have to thank you, Ozpin, for setting this up," he boomed, "Without you personally advocating for this, I might never have found the freedom that this outfit allows me!" He clapped a hand to Ozpin's shoulder, who was growing aware at the murderous glares being sent his way from the entire student body, and at least sixty percent of the staff. "Yes, my friend, it is YOU who we must all thank for this!"_

" _Don't thank me," Ozpin mumbled, "I insist."_

" _I do have to ask, though," he boomed, turning to Glynda, "Why YOU are wearing one. You never seemed the type, if I do say so myself! It looks quite fetching on you, though- perhaps you should wear it more often!"_

" _Wait, what?"_

" _Yes, it lists it quite clearly on this interdepartmental memo you passed out at the last staff meeting, Ozpin!"_

" _May I see that?" Glynda asked warily._

" _Certainly!"_

 _There was a rustling noise as he plunged his large hands into his pocket, before pulling out a crumpled up piece of paper. Smoothing it out with her semblance, Glynda carefully examined it._

 _After about a minute, she spoke up._

" _Ozpin?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _I think I've found the problem."_

" _Oh?"_

" _I found a typo."_

" _And how did that lead to-"_

" _Well, last time I checked, 'Female Hunters' had an 'F' and an 'E' at the start of 'Female.'"_

 _A pause._

" _Yes, that would do it."_

" _Is something wrong?" Peter asked._

" _Nothing… just… shattered dreams," Ozpin mumbled._

 _Glynda sidled up next to him._

" _We can reprint them and have new forms passed out by the afternoon…" she said reluctantly._

 _Ozpin looked at her sadly. "I… thank you for your diligence, Glynda, but… I don't think I can look at a miniskirt again without thinking of…" he gestured to Port's mostly uncovered legs. "THAT."_

" _These shining examples of masculine leg perfection?" Port piped up, posing a little._

 _Bile filled Ozpin and Glynda's throats. "Y-yes, that," whispered Ozpin. "Tell you what, why don't you go and get changed. We're calling the whole new dress code thing off, it was a bad idea."_

 _Peter drooped visibly. "Ah, well. I might as well tell Bartholomew. He'll be so disappointed, but between you and I, he didn't look as well as I do in this."_

" _Ozpin, I'm taking the rest of the day off," blurted Glynda._

" _Classes are cancelled, so is the dress code," announced Ozpin, before reaching for a hip flask kept strapped to his thigh for just such an occasion._

 _-Modern Day-_

Jaune gaped open-mouthed at the tale of horror told by his co-worker.

Several moments passed.

"Okay, I can definitely see how that would get the order cancelled."

"Indeed."

There was an awkward silence, then the two resumed grading the homework.

A few minutes later, Jaune looked up from grading Coco's paper ("More Dakka: Good Idea, or _Great_ Idea?"), and confusedly asked, "Wait, if you don't have to wear those, then why-"

"Let's just say I have my reasons, Mr. Arc." Jaune shrugged before bending back over the paper. Unbeknownst to him, she gave him a small smile.

 _Wrong question, Mr. Arc,_ she thought, _It's not "Why," but rather, for_ _ **whom**_ _…_

 **Author's Note: This is why you don't mess with me- you can now never get the mental image of Professor Port in a miniskirt out of your head. I can do so much worse. Bwa ha ha.**

 **So what's the deal with these? Basically, I thought some omake stories that Coeur wrote are kinda cool, and some expansion might be interesting (or soul-scarring, either/or).**

 **The Professor Port story came at work while I was wondering how exactly the "Tiny Miniskirt" thing of Roy Mustang might backfire. I mean aside from "Makes legs more vulnerable to shrapnel," but that's not very funny. Or at least, it shouldn't be very funny, and if you think that legs getting ripped to shreds by flying hypervelocity mental is a good laugh, please see a doctor. Or join the Spacebattles Forums, we're kinda messed up like that over there.**

 **And some Glynda/Jaune shipping because if I can't ship it here, where can I ship it? Okay, so the shipping is pretty exclusively to this story, but hey, it makes a good writing fodder.**


	5. Blake's Irony

**Author's Opening Notes: All right! Time for chapter five. Always did like five. Perhaps it's because of our base ten counting system.**

The red pen darted across the page, leaving a trail of devastation across the face of the essay. Arguments were gutted, clauses were ripped to shreds, and commaless sentences were crushed. The gold eyes glistened in the slightly dimmed light of Jaune Arc's office as she continued this gristly work. She shouldn't take pleasure in what she was doing to this poor essay. She was a huntress. A professional. There was no reason for her to feel the pride and glee she did.

And certainly it wasn't because this was Weiss Schnee's essay that she worked on for four days.

After all, they were all friends and had said sorry to one another after the extremely hurtful and specist comments she made that had made Blake flee Beacon.

Yep, no lingering resentment towards the heiress of the company that regularly put her people in work camps.

None at all.

…

 _Okay, MAYBE a little,_ Blake thought to herself. _Slight. Minor. Barely noticeable._

"I think you're getting a little too excited about correcting that essay," commented Jaune from his own stack of essays, "The last time I saw an expression like that on someone's face was when Nora did…" he paused for a moment, scratching his chin. "Huh, anytime she does anything, really." He shrugged at the look she shot him. "She's quite passionate."

Blake shot him a look.

"No, really, you should come to the Croquet Club's exhibition matches. She's the star player."

"We have a croquet club?"

"I know, I was surprised as well. I mean, I guess I should have figured, I mean, this is a school, and extracurricular activities are part of the experience, we can't be all about hunting all the time."

"Still seems kind of tame for a school like this one."

"The wickets have motion-activated flame thrower turrets."

"And now things make sense again."

"That being said, have you thought about possibly joining a club or group while here?" he asked, leading to Blake raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm… not very social."

"I understand that, it's just that I am _sort of_ supposed to be 'rehabilitating' you back into normal society. Now don't get me wrong," he blurted, raising his hands up in a placating gesture, seeing she was about to snap at him, "We did agree that the sessions would largely be useless since you… you know… are _you,_ and having someone help me with grading papers is kind of awesome, but I'd like to at least have something to tell people if they ask what we're doing in here without completely making something up."

She slumped slightly, realizing the truth in his words. "So… what clubs are available? I haven't really looked."

"Well, croquet club-"

"Pass, I like my hair not on fire."

"Okay, then we're skipping right over the Pyromania Club… why do we even have that?" he muttered. "Then there's the book club…"

Her ears perked up. "That sounds interesting."

Jaune sucked in the air through his teeth. "Aaaaand the last member graduated last semester."

Another slump from the catgirl.

"Animal care club?"

"No."

"History club?"

"Sounds nice."

"Led by Doctor Oobleck."

"Never mind, no."

"The coffee club-"

"Oooh, I like the sound of that one."

Jaune pinched the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't exist, it's just a way for the Headmaster to pump more money into getting coffee into the school."

"Darn."

"Multicultural Club?"

"I got to travel around a lot before Beacon. Pass."

"Weapons Club?"

"That sounds like more Ruby's thing. Pass."

He looked down at the sheet of clubs he was holding. Then checked again. "Wait, this can't be… 'Professor Goodwitch Fan Club?' 'Professor Port Fan Club?' 'Professor Ozpin Fan Club?' ' _Professor Arc Fan Club?_ ' How are those even _things?_ Who would join those clubs? Who would make them?"

Blake shifted guiltily, hoping beyond hope that he didn't check her bookbag and find her 'Awestruck by Arc,' and 'Giddy for Glynda' pins in the right front pocket.

"Okay, skipping over those… you seem to be really good at grading those papers," he commented, gesturing to the pile of completed work. "Have you considered being a tutor? Plenty of students who are struggling with classwork."

Blake let out a bark of laughter. "Are you joking? I'm anti-social at best, and I don't really suffer fools gladly. I don't like talking and I definitely don't have the temperament for teaching others. There is no way, not in a million years, that you'd catch me doing that!"

Jaune sighed. "Well, we can't say I didn't make an attempt. Back to the grind?"

"Lets," she answered pleasantly.

Really, her a tutor? Teaching others? How ridiculous!

 _ **Fifteen years later**_

The headmaster of Beacon Academy stood on the edge of the cliff as the prospective students were catapulted into the abyss, screaming the whole way.

"I seem to recall less panic when we were that age," he mused to his Deputy Headmistress, before sipping the mug of coffee he kept on his person at all times.

"It was a different time," she said simply, "I think the world was just more active then."

"Mmm," he hummed in agreement.

"You did get the paperwork on the new extension to the dorms done earlier, right?" she asked.

"Got it done last night, and sent it out to President Port this morning. Workers should be here in two weeks."

"It's going to be cramped until then."

"True, but they're Hunters. They'll adapt."

"Indeed. Well, shall we begin naming the teams?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

And so Headmaster Jaune Arc and Deputy Headmistress Blake Belladonna turned away from the sounds of battle below, and headed to the Teacher's Lounge.

 **So just before this chapter was released, it got the Colbert Bump- or should that be the Coeur Bump?- over on the REAL Professor Arc story. And all I have to say is HOLY KAMINA, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING. As I write this, I have been getting notifications nonstop all day about how you guys are subscribing to the story, or to me, or faving the story (or me). Or my other stories, which fills me with shame- you ever look back at your old work and go "Yikes?" Yeah, that's my older work. But wow. You guys rock. Like, a lot.**

 **And Coeur complimented my writing! He said that these stories are really good! SEMPAI NOTICED ME!... more than he did when I approached him to ask for permission to write something for him and he suggested posting this… hmm. STILL SEMPAI NOTICED ME!**

 **Now, as to a common complaint that I received last chapter. It was that, and I quote, "I need brain bleach and I have gouged out my eyes." I'm going to assume this was due to the image of Professor Port in a tiny miniskirt, and not a statement on my writing. If it was the latter, then I apologize and hope that my future work won't be as bad. If this is due to the former, then Bwa Ha Ha.**

 **Now for those who are really eager to get more Omake action, just Bear with me. Next time we got something real special.**

 **If you liked what you read, please favorite, watch, or review this story. Thanks for Reading!**

 **-Sithking Zero**


	6. Bear With Me

**Author's note: Okay, I've been getting a bunch of notes on the end of the previous chapter. I have two things to say about it.**

 **First and foremost, that scene was the whole reason I made that particular Omake. I'm not kidding, it struck me that the parallels- intentional or not- between the Ozpin-Goodwitch and the burgeoning Arc-Belladonna teams were rather unusually strong. A suave schemer who manipulates those around him, in a position of great authority over his peers, and his sexy assistant who is far more badass and does paperwork well? I thought the logical conclusion was that this dynamic continues. And by logical I mean, of course, "I thought it would be neat and a little funny."**

 **The second thing that people commented on was how they took it that I was supporting a Jaune/Blake pairing. And this one… is tricky for me, because Jaune/Blake is my RWBY OTP (not my overall OTP, as Max Sterling/Miriya doesn't apply to non-Robotech settings). However, for the story "Professor Arc," I'm a Glynda/Jaune shipper (and ONLY there). I seriously wasn't intending it to be ship tease for Jaune/Blake, but I guess if you want to look at it that way, you can totally go for it, I won't mind (although if someone does write a story about Headmaster Jaune and Professor Belladonna, please tell me, because that sounds great. Also, story about Headmaster Jaune and Professor Blake in a secret relationship? I'm giving you a freebie here, people! Get on it!)**

The world that we know is only one of many. In some, the differences between them are subtle, such as a man having brown hair instead of black, or a single punctuation mark missed in a document buried in some corporate filing cabinet.

Then there are worlds where the differences are more significant. Earth, for example, has no Dust, Aura-capable warriors, Grimm, and radically different continental shapes, not to mention an intact moon.

Remnant is no different than our world- there are worlds parallel to it. Many have been documented- from worlds where a certain cat faunus was gifted with a video-game based semblance, to ones where an impostor student died during initiation to a hunting academy, to one where a world-ending monstrosity is hidden by the Schnee Dust Corporation.

In one such world, Jaune Arc faked his transcripts a little _too_ well, and he was accepted into the prestigious Beacon Academy not as a student, but as a teacher. His misadventures have been documented quite thoroughly by this and others, so ruminating further on that world is meaningless at that juncture.

But what if his academic skills weren't the only thing he lied about? If it was so easy to fake grades and transcripts, why not go a little further? A new family? A new hometown?

A new species?

"I can't understand your attraction to him," Groused Blake, glaring at her blonde partner. "My gods, he's not-"

"Oh, and here we go again!" groaned Weiss. "Again with this conspiracy theory nonsense. You know, none of us believe your little 'theory'" At this she made airquotes that made Blake want to strangle the Schnee heiress _slightly_ more than usual, "So why do you keep dragging it up?"

"Because that-" she pointed dramatically at the professor eating his lunch, "shouldn't be here!"

"Look, it doesn't matter that he's a faunus. I used to think that those ghastly, brutish _animals_ -" Blake's urge rose even higher- "were all sub-human scum," and at this, Yang and Ruby shifted uncomfortably, "But… he's changed my mind about them." Blake blinked at the sudden shift in tone. "Look, I admit that the Schnee family and the faunus could never get along, but… if there are faunus in the world like him, then perhaps coexistence is possible after all."

The secret cat girl felt like she was getting emotional whiplash. On one hand, the hated enemy of all her kind was showing sympathy for her people, which could potentially bode well for future relations between man and faunus. On the other, she was being stupid, which did _not_ bode well for future… _anything._

"I don't get what your problem is, seriously," yang smirked as she recalled the class the day before, "I mean, that demonstration he had with Cardin was _awesome._ I think he was crying by the end! It was great!"

"Yeah, and he's really nice. Remember how when I got lost the first day he gave me a piggyback ride to the auditorium?" Ruby chirped.

"You weren't going to the auditorium, you were half an hour late to Oobleck's class."

"It was still nice."

Feeling like she was hitting a brick wall, Blake changed tactics. "Okay, well, look at how he's eating! You can't tell me that's not weird."

Yang snorted. "Hey, some people don't like cutlery. It's odd, but some people do do it."

"And Sushi is rather tasty," Weiss mused.

"That… is not… sushi." Blake ground out. "That is a Chinook Salmon. An entire Chinook Salmon he is eating. Uncooked. He's just ripping chunks of it out and throwing it into his mouth!"

"He has a unique culinary palate."

"Which consists of small animals, fish, berries, and plants!"

"You know, you can't help but wonder what he does to train. I mean, look at those arms," Mused Yang, breaking the line of thought. "I mean, look at them, I bet he could take down a Grimm without even using Aura or Dust!"

"There's a good reason for that."

"And by my golden hair, I will have those arms around me by the end of the semester. And your anti-Faunus remarks won't stop me from seducing that hunk of man-meat, Blake."

"… There are so many things wrong with what you just said I would need a _list_ to categorize them all."

"Seriously, what is your problem with him?" blurted Ruby. "He's an awesome person!"

"My problem? _My problem?_ " Blake snapped, causing Yang's eyes to narrow and Ruby to flinch. "My problem is that _no one else_ in the entire world can see that that _thing_ -" here she pointed dramatically at the newest addition to Beacon's staff- "Is not a human. He is not a faunus. He's a bear! He's a Grizzly Bear! How can no one see it!"

Jaune Arc shifted his massive five hundred pound bulk, beady eyes seeking out the source of the sudden noise distracting him from his lunch. He waved a massive, furry paw at the faunus, seeing her pointing at him, before grunting happily at being noticed and digging back into his salmon.

"Miss Belladonna!" snapped a voice behind Blake, causing all at the table to flinch. "I cannot believe that I would hear such racist diatribe from you, of all people. Just because he is a faunus, doesn't mean he's an animal."

"What."

Glynda Goodwitch's grip tightened on her crop. "I will be seeing you in detention tonight, Miss Belladonna, and you're coming with me immediately to see the Headmaster. We do not tolerate such racist slurs here at Beacon!" a glow surrounded Blake, levitating her into the air against her protests. Glynda then turned to Jaune. "Mr. Arc, I'm so sorry that you had to see this. Rest assured, she will be punished for her actions."

"GrrrROWF."

She nodded and smiled before taking the still-struggling Blake away, leaving the remainder of Team RWBY and the five-hundred-pound secret bear alone at the table, happily enjoying the rest of their lunch.

 **Closing Notes: Okay, this one takes a little bit of explaining on how it came to be. See, Coeur has this amazing Jaune/Blake story called "One Good Turn Deserves Another." You should read it. Now. In it, there's a scene where Yang compares Jaune to a teddy bear, leading Blake to imagine Teddy Bear Jaune with Crocea Mors and whatever the shield is called. Now, shockingly, I'm not the only person on the internet who reads fanfictions, and one such person is Kegi Springfield, who drew fanart of this exact scene. As soon as I saw it, I informed Coeur, who asked Kegi for permission, and now it's the picture used on this site to represent the story. Coeur and I traded some more PM's, and for some reason this made me think of Jaune as a Bear. The rest is history.**

 **Of course, this chain of events was NOT the only piece of inspiration for it. For that, we have to turn to "Chicken Boo," a series of cartoons on "Animaniacs," which you can probably find on Youtube. It's about a Giant Chicken who pretends to be a person, but always gets found out. The other is "Sir Bearington," a story originally told on the Traditional Games boards of 4chan. You can find it if you google "Sir Bearington." The story is about a gamer who wanted to play a bear, so he maxed out his disguise and lying skills to fake being human and to fake speaking a language he can't speak (English). Very short, very funny.**

 **The three worlds I mentioned for Remnant's Alternate Universes are the stories "The Gamer Girl," where Blake is The Gamer, "From Beyond," by Coeur Al'Aran, and "Auburn," by Super Sayin Cyndaquil. All can be found on my favorites list. And it's totally a coincidence that they all have Jaune/Blake shipping. Tooootal coincidence.**

… **Actually, it is a coincidence, they were the first three I thought of that had rather significant alterations to canon that were easy to pick out.**


	7. Jaune Snaps Again

"Okay," Yang blurted, holding up her hands in a gesture of surrender to ward off the glares of the four other girls sitting in a semicircle, "I'm willing to admit that I bear _some_ responsibility for our current predicament."

" _Some?!"_ growled Ruby, clutching her knees close to her dirty shirt, "Just _some?"_

"And not, I don't know… all?" Chimed in Blake, her outfit looking particularly haggard.

"Hey!" Yang cried, "There was _no_ way to know that he would react like that!" she folded her arms underneath her breasts. "I can't be blamed if the product didn't work as advertised."

"No," Weiss grimaced, "But you _can_ be blamed for _not knowing how to turn it off_."

Yang winced, conceding the point. "Okay, true. But I would also like to point out that none of you tried to stop me." She pointed to each of them in turn. "In fact, _all_ of you agreed to it, so _none_ of you get to complain! You're all equally guilty in this." Her eyes softened a tad as she looked at her younger sister. "Except for you, because you weren't part of this."

"Umm…" Ruby shifted slightly, looking guilty, "Actually, once the rest of you had your turn with the Professor, I was _totally_ going to have a turn with him."

"… I'm torn between being so proud of you, sis, and being so very angry."

"Don't worry, Ruby," added Pyrrha comfortingly as she patted the hooded girl's arm, "It's not your fault you had to grow up with such a corruptive influence," she finished as she shot a glare at Yang.

The blonde spluttered for a moment, before angrily snarling "I'm- _I'm_ a corruptive influence?! Okay, first off, Cereal Girl, I didn't see YOU acting all morally superior when I suggested the plan, while _Ruby was in the room, mind you,_ so don't go acting like you're better than me. Particularly since second off, _you're the one who helped me spike his coffee to begin with!_ "

Pyrrha ducked her head and retracted her arm from Ruby's as the glares of the group shifted over to her. Yes, it was true that Yang had proposed to spike the Professor's coffee with a sort of code-activated Dust that would cause his inhibitions to falter and fail, yes, the members of Team RWBY plus Pyrrha minus Ruby had agreed to take turns in seducing him and seeing exactly how their favorite Professor "performed," and yes, she had been the one to shamelessly flirt with Jaune in order to get him to drop his guard around the coffee.

"Well even if I did, I didn't mean for this to happen!" defended the gold-armored huntress.

"Exactly! So why are you all yelling at me!" yelled Yang.

"Because we've been stuck up here for _thirty six hours_ and you're responsible for about ninety percent of that?" quipped Weiss.

"Oh, jeez, that reminds me, has anyone seen Jaune?" gasped Blake.

Five pairs of eyes turned down from where they sat at the top of a tree in the Emerald Forest to peer through the canopy to spot any sign of their pursuer. For some reason, Jaune had been affected… somewhat _differently_ by the inhibition-reducing dust than the creepy salesman who sold it to Yang had indicated it would.

"I don't see him, how about you, Blake?"

"Nothing. Weiss?"

"I cannot see him. Pyrrha?"

"No… Ruby?"

"I don't… wait, I think I see him!" An icy hand gripped the five girls. "He's heading this way… and he's holding something… It's a box!"

"Uh…" Yang gulped, "Do you see what's in the box?"

"No, it's inside the box," Ruby replied pityingly towards her older sister.

The young teacher looked somewhat fine… if one disregarded his torn sweater and mud-stained armor. Still, he looked happy enough as he sat down under their tree and began removing and assembling several pieces of equipment from the box, before pouring what appeared to be fire dust into a combustion chamber of some sort.

"Do you think he knows we're here?" murmured Blake.

"More importantly, do you think he's still mad?" replied Weiss at the same volume.

Their thoughts were interrupted when a demonic, shrieking roar filled the air as Jaune activated the chainsaw, fire spitting from its teeth as the Fire Dust did its work, and plunged the device into the five's tree, his crazed laughter echoing above even the mighty motor of the device the whole time.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yes to both questions," deadpanned Yang as they prepared to run for their lives once more.

 **GATC GATC GATC GATC**

 **Author's Notes: Explanation time! Okay, so this isn't actually based on Professor Arc itself. It's based on the fanfiction "Intensive Counseling," by The Spookiest Of Noodles, which is itself a fanfiction based on Professor Arc. So this is a fanfiction based on a fanfiction based on a fanfiction based on a web series. If I go any deeper we're gonna need Inception music.**

 **The plot is that Yang, Team RWBY, and Pyrrha spike Professor Jaune Arc's morning coffee with some dust that will allow them to- when they say a passcode- make him lose all inhibitions. They agree to take turns taking advantage of this. For those who want to look up this story, WARNING: IT IS A RULE 34 STORY. THERE IS EXPLICIT SEX. Now that that's out of the way, my initial thoughts on it were that while well-written, initially I was a little creeped out because the implication in my mind was the equivalent of a Remnant Roofie. The way it's shown to work, though, is a lot less sinister and my fears were largely put at ease, and as of this writing the first chapter (starring Yang and Jaune) is now up, so check it out if this is your thing. If this doesn't sound like your thing, then feel free to disregard this.**

 **Now, as I was reading this, I also had a thought. "Inhibitions" don't necessarily mean "That which prevents you from having sexy happy fun time," "Inhibitions," can also mean "That which keeps you from making wrong, stupid, or bad decisions." Someone with lowered inhibitions might start saying racist things because the part of them that would say "That's a bad idea" isn't working properly. Drunken people have lowered inhibitions, for a more widely known example. But clearly the story wasn't going to take it in this direction… But what if those inhibitions weren't keeping our favorite fraudulent professor weren't keeping him from happy fun time, but rather, keeping the demons in?**

 **That's right, this chapter is a sequel to Professor Arc Omakes chapter 1, and we see the return of Berserk!Jaune!**

 **Here's hoping you like it!**

 **-SZ**


	8. Blake Calls Dibs

**Sithking: Warning, some… strongly suggestive themes show up** _ **briefly**_ **in this particular omake. Related to sexy times. If you don't like it, I suggest going back to chapter one, because personally that's my favorite chapter. Hee hee, Berserk Jaune.**

 **Also, secondary warning, this is my first** _ **deliberate**_ **attempt at writing Blake/Jaune. The ending of chapter 5 only half counts, since it was unintentional. Romantic quality may not be guaranteed.**

Blake Awoke.

She let out a soft purr as she did so, having woken from a wonderful dream, in which a certain professor was shirtless and giving her the most _wonderful_ working-over of her entire backside.

 _Mmmm…_ she thought… _**all**_ _of it…_

She shook herself and sighed. She had been… experiencing… these dreams off-and-on for the last month, about three since she had begun her "Detentions" with Professor Jaune Arc, Counselor of Beacon. While he was… eccentric, at times, she actually hadn't thought much of the man- true, he did care for the Faunus, but he _was_ somewhat responsible for the rumor that she and Yang were hardcore lesbian exhibitionist lovers…

 _Okay,_ she grimaced as she tossed back the covers and dropped to the floor, _change "didn't think much," to "Hate"…_

However, that one incident aside, four months previously he had risked not only his life but his career in order to save her life, drive off an international terrorist organization, protect multiple students, and ensure that she wasn't kicked out, or worse _arrested_ , for her foolish, shortsighted actions.

 _If it wasn't for him, I'd be showering with about thirty other women right now,_ she thought as she shucked off her Yukata and stepped into the shower.

As the hot water washed away the last vestiges of sleep from her mind, she kept turning the thought of her teacher over and over in her mind.

 _Okay, so he's only a few years older than me,_ she pondered as she scrubbed shampoo into her black locks, _proven to be extremely strong. A physical attraction is perfectly natural- I'm an adolescent woman on the verge of full adulthood, it's a basic biological instinct to seek out a mate._

Her hair now clean, she began to lather up a washcloth. _Couple that with an obvious ability to connect to others, a highly caring nature, and a willingness to help those in need- even those whose situation he doesn't understand well- speak very well to his character. Ability to stay focused even in stressful situations that would distract others-_ her mind flashed back to an incident where he accidentally ran into the women's changing room, yet did not act in a way that others of his age might (specifically, like a crass buffoon)- _again, highly desirable. It's perfectly natural that someone might feel a sort of attraction to him._

As she rinsed off, the thought turned over faster and faster. _And what he did for me… he came in and did me a great service at an extremely vulnerable point of time in my life. I would of course imprint upon him as a very helpful individual and feel a sort of bond to him. It's happened before, and there is multiple examples of precedent- like in "Samurai-Senpai Love volume VI," where Tadaki saved Rinko and she decided to thank him by-_ she blushed as she twisted the handle, shutting the stream of water off. _Well, I don't think that'd be legal, actually._

 _Though no doubt a lot of fun,_ a quiet, treacherous voice piped up from the back of her mind.

 _Quiet, you,_ she snarled mentally as she toweled off.

 _What was it that that girl in "Gravity Reaction" said?_ Continued the voice as she retied her bow and ran a brush through her bangs, _"What could I possibly be suggesting? I mean, a young woman gets saved by a dashing commander who lets her join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy? How could she possibly develop any kind of interest in him?"_

 _Okay, I get it,_ she growled mentally as she slipped on her skirt, _I feel indebted to him. He's shown himself to be kind and self-sacrificing. And yes, he is physically attractive._ As she buttoned up her shirt, she couldn't help but brush her fingers over the moon-shaped pin just inside the lapel, hesitating for a moment on the cool golden finish. _And supportive, and brave, and funny…_ she thought back to some of their conversations they'd had after finishing up a batch of particularly grueling paperwork, ranging from trying to get her to join a club to her experiences after leaving the Fang, and she'd even opened up a little about her barely-remembered mother, Arryn Belladona. She'd found it strangely easy to open up to him, which upon reflection, was probably why he was the Student Counselor.

Straightening her jacket, she composed herself. _All right, Belladonna, you're ready. You can face the day. No one but those you trust know about your past. You are cold as ice. You are ready. You have History, Combat, and Grimm Studies classes today. You have all your homework done, the reading is done, and there are no projects due. After that, I've got a study period with Pyrrha and Ruby, then after dinner, I have counseling with Jau-Professor Arc. And no matter what I might think of him, I can do this._

She pulled back her shoulders, straightened her spine, and opened the bathroom door to stride confidently out to her team, who were already dressed and waiting.

"You ready yet, Kitkat?" smirked Yang. Blake rolled her eyes before deciding to ignore the brawler, instead simply announcing "Well, shall we get some breakfast?"

The four spilled out into the hallway, Yang and Ruby racing each other to the stairs while Blake and Weiss followed at a more sedate pace, Blake going over her inventory for the day in her head. _So Gambol Shroud for Combat class, history and Grimm studies notebooks for those classes, a copy of Brightest Day for me… ooh, can't forget that Professor asked to borrow Ninjas of Love after I recommended it, must make sure that I don't leave it back in the room._

"Blake?"

 _If he likes that, I wonder if he'd like any other books I have? Obviously "Ninjas of Love: Masters of Wire"… no, he needs to read "Sovereign of Blades" first…_

"Blake?"

 _Or if he likes comedy more, I could try to get him hooked on the "Samurai-Senpai" series. Though if he wants a little-_

"Blake!"

"Huh?" Blake shook her head slightly, before focusing on the heiress. "What's wrong?"

"You've been spacing off and smiling… I've been trying to get your attention, but you just kept on smiling and spacing out. Are… are you all right?" Weiss asked, a single, graceful eyebrow raised.

"Of course I am, I was just… thinking," Blake blurted, before turning slightly and raising a hand up to her mouth to feel if Weiss was correct.

 _Upturned lips… yes, I was smiling… while spacing out thinking about Professor Arc._ The hidden cat-faunus felt her stomach sinking. _No. No no no. No. No no no no no. That's not happening._

"I… uh… I have to go. I forgot… something… back in the dorm room!" she blurted, before turning and dashing off, leaving a confused heiress in her wake. Once she rounded the corner, she ducked into a bathroom, taking the time to look at herself in the mirror. The faint hint of a grin could be seen, despite her attempts to make it stop.

 _No. Absolutely not. He's older than me. He's a teacher. I'm not doing this. I'm not… with…_

She buried her face in her hands.

 _This cannot get worse._

 **GATC GATC GATC**

 **Four Hours Later**

 _Okay, Blake, you were a member of a terrorist organization for years. You've been part of missions that relied very much on luck. You are fully aware of all of the nuances of Murphy's Law. You know exactly why tempting fate is the stuff of madness._

 _So why do I continue to do it?_

She squirmed uncomfortably as she sat next to Jaune, who had chosen to sit between her and Weiss, but with great effort, she schooled her features. She wouldn't blush at the proximity to him. She wouldn't go doe-eyed. She wouldn't say anything unless spoken to. She kept her eyes scanning the pages of her book, one hand occasionally darting out and grabbing a slice of her sandwich to bring to her lips. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Risking a glance without moving her head in the slightest, she noted the rest of her friends. Nora was chatting idly with Ren about the possibility of extraterrestrials, and the odds of them liking Maple Syrup. Ruby and Pyrrha were debating the merits of table tennis- though the champion was looking more than a little apprehensive. Yang was chowing down on a massive corned beef sandwich. Weiss was talking with Jaune about Faunus treatment in the SDC work camps-

Wait.

"… And I agree with you, the conditions that they're under _are_ terrible. But the system that's in place now is too profitable for the higher-ups to consider changing it."

Jaune paused a moment before asking "Even if your father-?"

"My father," Weiss interrupted, "Is but one man, and he still has to answer to the board of directors, who are… notoriously tight-fisted."

"I figured as much. But something's been bugging me lately… I was reading a book on robotics recently, and it said that it was originally meant to provide machines to do work that was too dangerous for people to do, right?"

Blake's ear twitched under her bow.

"Yes… that is what they were originally for, though most of the work in the field is being done through the military. There aren't as many needed for the civilian market."

"Unless someone was doing extremely dangerous, and incredibly vital work, like, say… working in dust mines."

Twitch. Twitch.

"Well… yes, I suppose, but the conditions in the dust mines aren't that optimal for robots."

"Given the horror stories about the camps, I'd say that they aren't optimal for Faunus, either."

"Well, what would you have me do!"

Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.

"Well, we're getting a new student soon, and I was asked to help get her settled… Remember Penny, from the docks?"

"Wait, she's the-"

"The gynoid, yes. I had a chance to speak with her father, and I had a thought… if it's possible to make a machine so complex it perfectly mimics humans, we can probably make less complex ones that are just as durable, for the same types of things that Faunus in work camps die to all the time."

"You're saying replace the Faunus in the camps with machines?"

Twitch. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.

"Why not? They don't need food, don't get sick, can be replaced easily, and it would look good for PR. 'Schnee Dust Company shuts down dangerous practices, helps make safer workplaces for Faunus.' You could even retrain the workers and put them in less dangerous positions."

Weiss paused, a look of wonder coming over her face.

"Huh… and since we'd be treating them better, the White Fang wouldn't have as much reason to complain… they might stop attacking, and their recruitment might even go down."

Twitchtwitchtwitchtwitchtwitchtwitchtwitch.

"And you said that the government is where most research into robotics is going? If you guys offered them discounts on certain purchases, you might be able to get them to help foot the bill for the research."

"The SDC would profit, the Faunus won't rebel, the government would help pay for it…" she spoke in wonder. "I have to contact my father about this."

"Hang on, I'll send you the contact information for Geppetto," he paused at the look of confusion on Weiss' face, "Penny's father. He might be able to help a lot."

Somewhere inside Blake's mind, a dam of carefully concealed and repressed emotions broke. Her body began to tremble.

Weiss bowed her head as she typed new information into her Scroll. "Thank you, Professor. This may have some… very interesting repercussions."

Jaune gave out a short laugh, before saying, "No problem, Ms. Schnee. I'm just glad I can heeuMMMMPH!"

He was interrupted by Blake, eyes wild, grabbing him by his shoulders, and pulling him into a desperate kiss.

She was dimly aware that conversation in the immediate area had died swifter than a Beowolf facing down Team RWBY, but she didn't care as the seconds ticked on. Finally, succumbing to the body's need for oxygen she let go, a punch-drunk expression hovering on her professor's face. He had no time to get acclimated to the new reality, though, as Blake pushed back the bench, jumped up on the table, and dragged him up by his collar, leaving him dangling from her arms as the entire lunchroom turned to watch.

"DO YOU SEE THIS?" She cried, eyes wild. "THIS MAN IS MINE! I LOVE HIM! AND FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD…" she cast a baleful eye over the entire room, focusing briefly on Professor Ozpin, who had a single eyebrow raised. "I'M CALLING DIBS!"

All around the room, women of multiple years slumped in their chairs. She had thrown down the ultimate gauntlet.

"Wait, what?" exclaimed Pyrrha, "She can't call-"

"I'm afraid she can, Miss Nikos," came the voice of a very tired-sounding Glynda behind her. Pyrrha jumped slightly before turning to face the first blonde teacher of Beacon. "I'm afraid that the 'dibs' system is extremely important to the running of Beacon, and we must abide by it at all times."

Pyrrha's face scrunched up. "But that-"

"Let me put it this way," Glynda muttered as she lowered her face to Pyrrha's. "Do you really think that Headmaster Ozpin, Professor Port, and Doctor Oobleck got their positions because of academic acumen?"

Pyrrha turned first to look at the staff table, which had Ozpin calmly accepting a pile of Lien from his co-workers, before turning to where Blake was once again marking her claim, with Jaune turning a strange combination of bright red from blushing and blue from lack of oxygen.

She then turned to see a depressed Yang slowly rubbing the back of her little sister, whose head was buried in her arms. The two caught each other's eye.

"Dammit," they chorused.

 **Author's note: I said that I wouldn't reference Rooster Teeth unnecessarily, and I completely mean that. For those who watched Red Vs Blue and remember when the ship came in during the Blood Gulch days, you are probably calling me a liar.**

 **That's fair, but I do have to say that I had completely forgotten about that scene until** _ **after**_ **I thought up this one. If any scene is an influence, there's a scene in "The Office" (American Version) where Michael describes the rules of Dibs that more strongly affected me towards the creation of this.**

 **Oh, and I'd like to apologize publically for the last chapter, specifically the bit where Yang forgot the way to turn off the Dust. The Spookiest of Noodles, who said that it was okay for me to make fun of their story, informed me that this was not the case, and the way to turn off the effect was clearly labeled. But the only way you'd know that is if you… read it… where it was very clearly stated… in the first chapter of "Intensive Counseling."**

…

 **Yeah, I have NO excuse for this one. I didn't remember it but I can't go back and rewrite it because without that detail the entire snip falls apart. Let's just say that in the stress of their teacher attempting to murder them, they all forgot how to turn it off. So I screwed up badly, I'm sorry, and I'll try to be more accurate in the future. Y'know, where I can, because I am also working on stories that involve a bear being a teacher at a school for murdering the hell out of monsters.**

 **My story is somewhat silly, now that I think about it.**

 **And oh my god this snip was a pain in the ass. I sat on it for literally weeks. Though in my defense, work has been acting up, my best friend's life is kind of a living hell, and family drama I am unwilling to reveal is also happening. All of this plus I'm working on two full-length stories at the moment aside from this one- "Tyrant Kings," a Mass Effect/Jurassic Park crossover collaboratively written with members of Spacebattles, and "The High Price Of Miracles," a RWBY/XCOM: Enemy Within crossover told in the style of World War Z. It's kind of a tonal shift for both fics- Tyrant Kings is very much a "Rule Of Cool with serious underpinnings," story, unlike Jurassic Park and Mass Effect, which were thrillers and an epic story, respectively, and THPOM takes inspiration from World War Z and XCOM, so it won't be as happy as RWBY tends to be. Scratch that, it's a very dark story, if I'm making it right.**

 **Where was I… Oh yeah, snip being a pain. Well, it is, regardless of self-plugs and a pity party. Notes on this:**

 **First off, I put a bit of myself into Blake: she, too, does her best thinking in the shower. I don't know why, but I get my best ideas there. The sound of running water, the removal of the day's grime, constant pressure of tiny droplets beating against my skin… very relaxing.**

 **Blake's inner voice is quoting "Gravity Reaction," which is Remnant's version of one of my favorite games, Mass Effect. The part she's quoting is from Tali'Zorah, if you undertake her romance subquest.**

" **Samurai-Senpai Love Volume VI," "Tadako" and "Rinko" were all made up completely. If someone knows Japanese and is offended because I have somehow made a swear word, I'm sorry. Although, the presence of "Ninjas of Love" asks a far more pressing question: Where exactly is the center of Asian culture in Remnant? I mean, we have Ren, whose attire and appearance are Asian, Ninjas come from japan, but Blake is described as one (despite not being Asian) and Ren and Nora grew up together, despite Nora Valkyrie being as nordic as you can get.**

 **The name "Aerryn Belladona" comes from the story "A Friend In Need." This is most likely a reference to Blake's VA, whose name is also Arryn, but at the time I thought it was a reference to Arryn Sun, from Farscape, who is my second favorite character after Chrichton on that show.**

 **I kind of imagine Blake having to psych herself up in the mornings because honestly, sometimes I don't think she has a whole lot of self-confidence. It's less noticeable than canon Jaune, but she has a nasty habit of not trusting anyone and running away from trouble, which she slammed herself for near the end of season two. Those traits, coupled with being part of a group whose stated goal was the extinction of humanity at one point, getting a teacher beaten up, and nearly going to prison, would have a negative effect on MY ego and self-confidence, so I can only imagine it would have a similar effect on her.**

 **Blake mentions two books- Brightest Day and Ninjas of Love. Ninjas of Love is well-known among the RWBY fandom as "Blake's Favorite Book," according to fanon- I honestly can't remember it making an appearance after the room organization. Brightest Day is named after the Green Lantern Oath, and sounded like a nice title for a serious novel**

 **The romance trope of "Smiling when you think of someone without realizing it" is one of my all-time favorites, particularly in writing. It's hard to pull off in visual media, since we can see the people. With words, we're left to imagine the scene… only for us to have to re-read that passage once someone points out that they were smiling the whole time. And it's a triple-whammy- The reader didn't see it coming, the CHARACTER didn't see it coming, and since we aren't told that they were smiling, it's a rare example of neither the character or the audience knowing precisely what's going on. I admit my favorite POV for stories is third person omniscient, so when an author can properly pull this off I have to take my hat off to them. Here's hoping I caught you guys off guard.**

 **About the "GATC" thing: It's my way of doing page breaks. I started with Tyrant Kings, and GATC are the chemicals that make up DNA. I like it.**

 **Originally, there was supposed to be a scene in between Blake's realization and the Lunch where Blake would go to his office for a counseling session/paperwork thing where Neo would dump Coffee on Jaune, resulting in him having to take his shirt off. Blake gets hot under the collar, but ultimately she maintains control over herself. While I did like the mental imagery of the scene, it didn't really fit. Maybe someday I'll write that up into an omake all on its own.**

 **Nora mentioning aliens who like Maple Syrup is a shout-out to John Ringo's book "Live Free Or Die," where one man builds an interstellar empire by selling Maple Syrup, which is extremely delicious to alines. While the Ringo's politics annoy me (and he insulted Babylon 5, my favorite fictional story ever), the series isn't too bad.**

 **Ruby and Pyrrha's Table Tennis discussion? Part of that deleted scene I mentioned earlier. It would have gone through Blake's whole day, including how Ruby hijacked the study session to play table tennis, and people learned that Pyrrha… really stunk at Table Tennis. It might make a comeback in another full omake someday, but it's not that much of an idea, so probably not.**

 **Oh lord, and after I asked about Asia, I bring up corned beef. In my defense, I love corned beef, but does that mean there's an Ireland? Also, where the hell does Remnant grow crops or raise food animals?**

 **The argument about Robots is something I've honestly wondered about in regards to the show. Why rely on Faunus slave labor when you have perfectly functioning robots? Hell, Penny is roughly a zillion times more capable than Data from Star Trek TNG, why isn't more a deal being made about her? And if you can make one robot with human level intellect, then making way simpler ones for things like mining or explosive disposal should be really easy, right? I mean, we have robots for that NOW. I can't think of why the SDC would do that unless they were run by cartoon villains… which to be fair, they kind of are…**

 **I honestly considered splitting off the "Dibs" section into a second chapter, but I thought this way worked a little better.**

 **Sorry, Pyrrha, your prince is in another castle. SUCK IT ARKOS! Blake/Jaune all the way!**

 **Also, I have a question: Does anyone know what the year is in Remnant? I mean the actual year, not school year. For example, the year this was written is 2015 CE. I'd like to know… because I have no idea. Seriously, I'd like to know and it would really help THPOM.**


	9. Coco's Reaction

**A/N: Okay, so. Wow. Due to the reception on the last chapter, I'm seriously questioning the priorities that some people have around here, since at least half the comments were NOT on the Jaune/Blake bits, but rather on why the Robot Mining plan I came up with would not work, and might actually make the situation worse, either by putting the Faunus out of work or by starting a robot uprising.**

… **I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. All I can say is that I don't know much about economics, and the concept of putting robots to work in areas that are dangerous is kind of the main point of a robot. As much as fiction writers might wish otherwise, having machines do dangerous or repetitive tasks are the reason that Robots are so commonplace- not so that we can create cute robot girls or mecha. Putting robots to work mining dust just seemed like a logical step. As for a Robot Uprising? Yeah, I don't think so. Remnant is so in love with the concept of Freedom that they name their kids after colors. If a machine started showing signs of being sophont, they'd probably grant it all the rights possible. Heck, they let Penny attend the dance, and she's a war robot full of knives and hot laser death!**

 **Er, anyway… I liked the last chapter (Blake calls Dibs) so much that after much revision, it has inspired me to create a full romance fic based off of it. But, and this is important, it's not out yet. As of this writing, I'm talking with Coeur (author of Professor Arc) about it, and I'm hoping to get the first chapter completed eventually… It will be called "Climbing Uphill."**

 **Anyway, here's today's daily dose of madness.**

It had all started so innocently, which is what had made Jaune realize that it was about five seconds away from going catastrophically wrong.

It was the morning after Coco had cornered him in his room about Velvet. Breakfast was in full swing, with teachers and students chowing down on the bounty provided by the chefs of the school. For once, Jaune had decided to sit with the other teachers. If anyone asked him, he would have responded that it was because he felt he had to connect with other teachers more, as his interactions with them were more limited than his interactions with the students.

The truth of the matter was that after the… _misunderstanding_ , that Glynda caught him in last night with Coco, that any time he approached a female who wasn't part of the staff, she had launched glares at him so potent that he was tempted to check his scroll to see how much they were taking off of his Aura.

Truthfully, he was rather concerned. As Glynda had inadvertently pointed out, he had been here for months, and every single day, some new and fresh piece of hell decided to inflict itself upon him. From Neo deciding to cast illusions that removed his clothes, to Port bringing in rogue Grimm, to his students breaking into his office _multiple times_ , every day brought new ways for life to torture him. It was almost as if sticking hundreds of highly hormonal teenagers with superpowers into a school designed to churn out living weapons of war was a bad idea.

… _I think I may have stumbled upon the source of a lot of my problems,_ he mused as he speared a sausage link on his fork.

This was the moment, however, that today's entertainment for everyone other than Jaune arrived in the form of Team CFY literally kicking the main door down, looking as if they intended to wage a three-man war against the entirety of Remnant. Conversation in the hall stopped, and all eyes locked on to the second years as they strode up the long tables until they stopped at one team.

Cardin Wichester slowly put down the fork full of scrambled eggs as he looked at the evil grins on the upperclassmen.

"Can we… can we help you?" he asked uncertainly.

Coco's grin only got wider, and Velvet began to shrink into her seat several tables away, making herself a smaller target for the storm she could sense coming.

"Yes," Coco grinned, "Yes, you most certainly can."

With that, she grabbed Cardin's hair and began to slam his head against the table. Exclamations of shock resonated from the crowd as they watched the other two members of Coco's team begin their own beatdowns on Cardin's team.

"MISS ADEL! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!" Glynda's voice cut through the violence, and Coco turned to look at her, ignoring the squirming racist in her hand.

"Don't worry, Professor! I talked it over with Professor Arc. He told us this was okay!"

"Point of order: no I didn't!" came the protestation from Jaune.

"Yes, you did! You said that at this school, we're being taught Violence is a solution to our problems! So us using force is totally okay!"

There was a moment of perfect silence in the hall.

And then everything devolved into an indescribable melee.

Jaune, sensing it might be the only method he had to survive, flipped the Staff table on its side, keeping the tabletop facing away from them in order to serve as a shield from flying food, dust rounds, and students slow enough to not get out of the way of Yang or Nora. This proved wise as a mere moment later, a chair shattered against the makeshift shield, causing it to shudder.

"Mister Arc," came an arctic-cold voice from behind him, "Would you care to explain that piece of advice you gave Miss Adel?"

Jaune turned to see the other teachers glaring at him while crouched in cover. He winced apologetically.

"Well, it's true, right? That's what Proessor Ozpin said when he asked me to take… the…"

Glynda's glare had shifted to one of disbelief. He paused as the words coming out of his mouth _finally_ registered to him.

"Okay, when I say that out loud I look like an idiot for taking his advice seriously, but in my defense, it was my first day on the job."

Professor Port stuck his head out from behind Glynda as a chunk of a table shattered into splinters above them.

"So what you're saying is that it's Ozpin's fault."

"Pretty much."

Port looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I can accept that."

Meanwhile, the students had wasted no time in unleashing all their pent-up frustration, anger, and hormonal imbalances upon one another. Weiss was slowly turning blue as Blake tightened Gambol Shroud around her neck, grinning maniacally. Ruby was frantically dodging a group of students jealous of her having skipped grades, while Yang was locked in a free-for-all with several old associates from her old school over a past grudge.

Nora, having no stake in this fight, was simply firing Magnhild wildly into the fray, with Ren trying desperately to hit her with a chair when her back was turned. Pyrrha had fled at the first opportunity, dragging her partner with her in a vain attempt to keep at least _some_ of their team unharmed.

Jaune looked over all of this in mild horror, not quite believing that this had gotten so out of control so fast. He turned to find support.

"Okay, Glynda, I know it looks bad, but we have to get things under control, and… Glynda?"

To his surprise, the Deputy Headmistress had vanished.

"You might want to look near the door, lad," Peter commented in a low voice.

Knowing that he would regret it nearly immediately, Jaune followed the instructions.

A galaxy of cutlery was orbiting around Glynda, who was facing off against a nonperturbed Ozpin, battle raging around the two.

"Glynda, did you forget to take the anti-stress medication the doctor assigns you this morning?" he asked calmly, taking a long, slow pull on his mug of coffee.

" **YES,** " came a voice of almost manic glee. " **NOW, I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS YOUR PURCHASE OF A GIANT GOLD STATUE RECENTLY…** "

Ozpin paled as the galaxy stilled, and the sharp instruments pointed themselves at him.

"Gentlemen?" a small voice interrupted Jaune's observation of the horrifying beat-down that was being delivered to their headmaster. He turned to look at Doctor Oobleck.

"If I may make a suggestion, perhaps a strategic retreat to a more defensible and… less volatile location?"

"Such as the Staff Room?" Asked Peter.

"Well, actually, I was thinking Vale. It doesn't look like teaching is on the schedule for today…"

The two remaining teachers thought it over, and nodded… right in time for Yang to casually toss their cover out a window. Her eyes were glowing like lit coals, and her hair was giving off faint wisps of energy.

"Momma wants her some Blonde Time…" she huskily whispered, eyes locked on Jaune. He turned to look for backup… only to see that both had fled in the _seconds_ he looked away from them.

Jaune gulped.

"Oh boy…"

 **Sithking: Yeah… that happened.**

 **Please review!**

 **EDIT: D'OH! I misspelled Glynda's name… every single time it appears! Whoops! This has been corrected.**


	10. Ironwood's Secret Plot

**Sithking Zero: The following is a non-profit, fan-created work of fiction. RWBY and all characters, concepts, merchandise, and more are all the property of Rooster Teeth. Please support the official release.**

 **IMPORTANT NOTE: The following takes place after chapter 17 of Professor Arc.**

 **Professor Arc Omakes**

 **Chapter 10**

"I don't have to tell you how disappointed I am, Winter. That deal was vital to the future of Atlas, and as a means of providing a massive advantage over Vale for the next few years."

Ironwood glared across his desk at the not-quite heiress, who looked quite nettled herself.

"I understand completely, sir, but I've already had this conversation with my fa-"

"Your grandfather," interrupted Ironwood, "Is not here. He is not as important as he thinks he is, and doesn't decide what the objectives are. _I do._ And the objectives were to get them to accept the deal at ruinous rates unless they gave us Mr. Arc! Where did you get off putting in the clause of getting your little sister's team as part of the deal?!" he snarled.

"F-from my grandfather-" she stammered before the general's anger, and in that moment, it was clear that rather than a silly buffoon, this was a man who _deserved_ the leadership of entire fleets of airships.

" _Mister Schnee_ is not in charge," he stated icily, "And you are going to tell your grandfather that if he tries to add complications to official military business again, then perhaps we might decide to take a little bit of a _closer look_ at the safety standards that your company employs in those camps."

Winter straightened, briefly incensed enough to overcome her apprehension. "I assure you, the mining sites-"

"Oh, not those, the ones your family cleans up for the press, the _real ones_ " his icy tone continued, "Let's make one thing clear, Ms. Schnee. You, your family, and your damn _company_ are nothing more than cogs in a much greater machine. Oh, you're important cogs, do not mistake me, but like any cog, you can be replaced. We tolerate a _lot_ from you and yours because of the services you provide, but even our patience has its limits… something you group would do well to remember."

He spun his chair around to face the wall-sized window, away from the Schnee. "You are dismissed."

"But sir-"

"Did I stutter." He whispered menacingly.

There was the sound of footsteps before the door slammed. Only then did Ironwood let out a sigh as he turned back to his desk, already reaching out to press a button to contact his secretary.

"Margarita?"

"Yes sir?" came the tinny voice from the tiny speaker.

"Contact the Council. Tell them that I said that the SDC has been getting a little too bold; they seem to think that they have _carte blanche_ to do as they will without repercussions. We need to start looking into other suppliers of Dust."

"Yes sir. Would you like to send the message now or until Ms. Schnee leaves the building?"

A pause. "After she leaves. Let her stew for a bit."

"Very good sir."

He took his finger off of the button, and the slight _hiss_ of the microphone cut off. With his other arm, he caressed a small, recessed lever on the underside of his desk, causing the wood paneling to split apart and reveal a vast array of computer screens, dry-erase boards, and multiple monitoring cameras.

That foolish girl! Bringing family politics into these matters, trying to lure the 'wayward' heiress back to Atlas… While it would be a feather in the cap of Atlas Academy to have both Schnee children there at the same time, as well as further tying the future of the company to Atlesian interests, it was secondary to the true goal and purpose. If it hadn't been for that, the deal might have gone through. As it was, though, deciding the future of those students had granted Mr. Arc the precious time necessary for some other company to swoop in and save Beacon.

Hastily he scribbled down a note on the dry-erase board- "Autumn Dust Supplies, look into it"- before punching a select series of codes into one of the many keyboards arranged before him, and the television screens lit up in response, showing him vital persons and places of interest from all across the globe. Glancing over the prototype Aura-Gynoid's repair bay, skipping straight over a screen showing Ozpin drinking a mug of coffee, and flat-out ignoring an oddly well-dressed man with a cane holding up a dust store on the third screen, he focused his attention on a man cheerily walking down the street towards a Bullhead Departure Station, fixing the poor soul with all the intensity that a general of his age and pedigree was capable of emitting.

It was true that he wanted the boy… though he had not told the others the true reason why. Some thought it was because off some long-standing enmity between him and Ozpin, and what better way than to literally steal a teacher out from under him? Others saw his work with students and speculated Ironwood wanted to find a way to reduce mental trauma in combat. Still others thought that perhaps the general was lonely and perhaps he was hiding something about himself? After all, he didn't seem to enjoy the company of many of the other women he spent time with…

At this thought, Ironwood snorted derisively. _It's like those people have never heard of anti-fraternization laws in the military._

In truth, the boy was crucial to his eventual plans, and thus he made every effort to find out more about him. Imagine his surprise when his top analysts revealed Arc's transcripts to be falsified! Expertly falsified, but falsified nonetheless. It was no wonder Ozpin fell for such a clever ruse.

 _Then again,_ he wryly mused, _Ozpin probably would have accepted him if the transcripts were on construction paper and said he came from "The Jaune Arc Totally Not-Made-Up Academy for Actual, Real Hunters." He's kind of silly like that… but to inspire such loyalty… a question that I will know the answer to!_

He waved a hand through the air, and recessed sensors, tucked subtly into the walls of the room, noted the motion, translating it to multiple floating holographic screens. Each one showed the same woman. This was his reason for being here! This was his true goal, the purpose of the Tournament relocating to Vale! The reason for his presence! For the air armada and the increased security!

This woman vexed him, confounded him. And it wasn't helped by her appearance- simply put, she was stunning. Eyes that could be as hard as steel, yet softer than a cloud. A toned physique that let all know how dangerous she was, yet somehow still possessing shapely curves. A smile that invited one in, made one feel welcome… but a temperament and power that forced one to pay attention, lest one find oneself destroyed in her wake.

She had been here for years at this point, but he had yet to see any chinks in her armor…

Until recon footage brought it to him recently.

She had smiled- _smiled!_ \- at this-this-this DELINQUENT! This fraud, this imposter! And he saw those emotions in those eyes, she felt… she _felt_ something for the Professor. This Jaune had fooled her and so many others… oh yes, Ironwood had much in the way of resources. He had seen the footage, the pictures, of the way girls who barely even knew of him were drawn into his orbit like comets around a star. The adoring glances, the _effortless_ way he was able to woo the most coldhearted of women.

He needed Jaune's skill- however effortless- on his side, if he wished to finally slip past that armor and get her once and for all.

 _If only that little… STOOGE hadn't tried to slip in family politics, he'd already be in our clutches! I asked her to only extend the offer for HIM to come to Atlas, not her foolish sister and teammates!_ He snarled mentally. _We were so close to getting him today- to the ultimate goal I've worked for for years!_

"Oh yes," he growled, brushing aside pictures of his target, "Jaune Arc, you will come to me. And then you will teach me the ways of women, and how to woo them… And once you do…"

He leaned back, cackling, thrusting his arms in the air, "GLYNDA GOODWITCH WILL FINALLY BE MINE!"

 **Sithking: Uh… Okay, so I read chapter 17 of PA, and I wondered why Ironwood would want Jaune. This was the first thing that came to mind. I'm not sorry.**

 **And once again I use fanfiction to make a take that to portions of RWBY that I don't like- this time, the SDC. I haven't seen ANY of season three yet- I work retail, and it's the holiday season, time that I am awake, have free time, and am not falling over exhausted all at the same time is scarce- so I don't know how accurate I got Winter here, but I really don't like the SDC… they're kind of a plot hole. A world that values freedom so much it names every damn thing and its dog after colors, but they run forced labor camps? Why do people go along with this? So the best idea I had was that they're a necessary evil- people know that they're evil, but they need the Dust too much to complain.**


	11. Cinder Falls Flat On Her Face

**Sithking Zero: RWBY and all associated properties, storylines, characters, and merchandise is the product of Rooster Teeth LLC. The following is a non-profit story produced for humorous intent.**

 **Professor Arc is originally by Coeur Al'Aran, and Professor Arc Omakes is done with his blessing.**

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

 **Professor Arc Omakes**

 **Chapter 11**

"So, _Professor_ ," Cinder drew the word out as she settled in on his couch, "you asked me to come over so that you could give me some _friendly advice._ "

She examined her nails as she continued, "I assure you, I have plenty of experience with those giving me _friendly advice."_ She blew on them to remove a speck of dirt, causing a few sparks, "so please, try to make it interesting."

In response, Jaune sat a bottle of cheap alcohol in front of her, before walking back to his desk and leaning on it casually. It did not, Cinder noted, fall down.

"I heard all about the lesson you gave to the students yesterday," he commented, drumming his hands on the hard wood finish. "Masterfully done. I'll say this, you got everyone to listen to you and your message- in this school, that is a rarity." He paused for a moment, "but while I do respect your power- and the whole 'not killing me' thing-" he nodded at her, a slightly amused smile on his face- "I don't think you understand how Hunters-In-Training work." A bemused glance. "At all."

Cinder was most certainly not giving him an icy glare at his bluntness. That was, after all, rather hard to do when flames were visible in your eyes.

"Would you care to explain… how you came to that little conclusion?" She queried in a soft, dangerous voice. Like a dagger, wrapped in silk.

Jaune's amused smile grew into a weary grin.

"Cinder, let's get down to it and be honest with one another for a little bit. You and I are not fans of one another. And we probably won't be. But what you're doing… is wrong. Not," he waved his hands, seeing the potential for him winding up on fire greatly increasing, "what you're _doing_ is wrong… although in this business, we most likely are. It's the way you're acting and how it's interfering with Beacon's students."

A single delicate eyebrow raised. She was giving him a chance, he saw. A very _slim_ chance, but a chance nonetheless.

"Over the last few months, I've had a chance to discover quite a bit about psychology. I didn't originally set out to become Student Counselor," he remarked, as he poured himself, "Ozpin convinced me. Manipulative bastard," he chuckled. "So I've had to do a lot of research, and then I backed that up with my own observations of the students of Beacon.

"In so doing, I've found some patterns that have developed, and you're playing to them in all the wrong ways."

She made a slight gesture with her hand, as if to tell him to get to the point.

"Pattern one is that Hunters are curious. It's right there in the name, but there's a part of every student here that likes to ferret out problems and find the goal at the end of them. That's basically what Hunters and Huntresses do in the wild- tracking down problems and then dealing with them, so if you think about it, it makes sense that schools like Beacon and Atlas would encourage that trait in them."

He downed the shot before continuing.

"Pattern two is that Hunters and Huntresses are attracted to power. It's part of the heroic mentality, I think, that the schools like to cultivate. The fear that if their partner- romantic or otherwise- isn't strong enough, then something might happen to them. Some criminal might come in and hurt them, or a Grimm might attack them when they're not ready. So having a strong partner means that you don't have to worry about that." As he spoke, he thought back to Pyrrha telling him all about Weiss trying to recruit her as _her_ partner, which had really made the thing he had suspected crystalize in his mind. "In fact, I hear that despite plenty of opportunities to do so, Huntsmen will avoid trying to form bonds with civilians, instead preferring the company of Huntresses."

"Pattern three-"

"Jaune, as wonderful as it is to get lectured by you, I have to prepare some assignments for tomorrow. Is there a point to all of this?"

He held up his hands once again. "Just a little patience, I'm just building up to the main thrust of my argument. It'll be worth it in the end, trust me. Now where was I…? Pattern three, right. The students here? They're like children in many ways. I'm not sure if it's on a group-wide scale, but many of the ones that I've met have been… shockingly immature, really. And Pattern four is that they like new things. This ties back in to Pattern one, but Hunters and Huntresses don't really like sitting around, seeing the same things again and again- it's why there are so many stories about 'The Gallant Hunter who swept in from out of town to save the village from the Grimm.' They want to explore and see new things."

"Now, remember those patterns, they're going to be important later, but for now, I'd like to talk about me."

Cinder barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"For some reason I'm a memetic sex god."

This time Cinder did not resist the urge.

" _I'm serious._ For some reason, most of the Huntresses in this school want to… _have a turn with me_ , so to speak. And when a Huntress wants something…" He gazed into the depths of the bottle, "They really do not know how to let go."

"Fascinating, but I-"

"This is important," he snapped, before cringing slightly. "Sorry, but… you need to know." Then he reached underneath his desk. _A weapon?_ She thought, raising her left arm slightly and increasing its temperature, only for him to bring out… a wooden drawer?

"Do you know what this is?" he asked wearily. She raised an eyebrow at him again.

"This is my underwear drawer. Please note that right now, it is empty."

At this point, Cinder had decided that whatever it was he was building towards had better have been worth it, because she was completely lost as to where he was going.

He rubbed the thin bridge of bone between his eyes. "This morning, it was full. During this day, someone went into my room, and stole all of my underwear. Ordinarily, I'd say that it was a prank… except that they've been getting stolen from me since my third week here. For god's sake," he snapped, "If this happened more often, I'd be going _comma-_ ahem. Sorry. But look here," he pointed to the front of the drawer, just over the knob.

"Notice anything special here? Discolorations, marks in the wood?"

She shook her head.

"Yeah, that's the problem, because after the _last_ time this happened I installed a lock and key on the drawer. Today, not only did they _steal the lock_ , but they then managed to _fix the drawer._ I'm serious, look at it, it's seamless. They removed the lock without damaging the drawer or the contents, then filled in the hole, applied glue and wood stain, and then left the room with no one noticing while carrying armloads of my unmentionables. If I ever find out who did this, I'm torn between turning them over to Glynda, or hiring them to redo my crown molding. This is masterful work-"

"The point?"

"The point being that this is just _one_ thing that the girls of Beacon have been doing to _one_ new professor who they think is handsome. I've had girls show up in my room to seduce me before. I've had vaguely disturbing art hung prominently on my walls, with myself in erotic poses. At one point, I actually had to break up a fight between two girls who were planning to sneak into my room and wanted the same hiding spot, only for a _third_ girl to come out of a _completely different_ one to help me so as to 'get on my good side.'"

He sighed. "And then you stepped into this little minefield I'd inadvertently set up. See, the thing about having so many girls like you is… if they think you're the one for them, you aren't looking elsewhere for entertainment or dating. So what I've been doing on accident… Well, I've been blueballing the entire male population of Beacon.

"See, the girls who like me aren't trying to date or get into relationships, which leaves four groups of Huntresses left." He raised one finger. "Girls who aren't interested in me," raised another. "Girls who are already in a relationship," a third went up. "Girls who just aren't interested in men, such as lesbians," and a final finger, "and then there's the female staff of Beacon, who don't care about me.

"So of the four groups, men who want to get in a relationship can only really go after Beacon staff- which would be illegal- or girls who aren't interested in me, which is such a small population that they're going to get _really_ sick of guys asking them out all the time." He took another shot, "this probably explains why combat scores for men have been on a steady rise since I got here, they've got to get the energy out somewhere," he mused.

"But you!" he blurted as she opened her mouth, "you just stepped into the hornet's nest. Because as bad as the girls were, I could always keep them in line by threatening them with Glynda. But you, you've pretty much burned your bridges with her already. And the work you've been doing on isolating me from the other teachers? It's not making you friends there. So you're all alone. And from what you've said, you identified as 'Miss'. That means that you're single-"

"Jaune," she cut through him, "You're out of time. Tell me what the point of this is. Now."

Jaune grinned, looking eerily similar to what she had seen on Roman's face once before he blew the head off of a police officer.

"You want to know, _Miss Fall?_ All right. What you have done is that you've announced that you are an _extremely hot, single, charismatic, very powerful_ teacher who is tied in with my _mysterious past_ to a school full of males who haven't been able to get a woman interested in them in several months. You thought what the girls have been doing to me is weird? Picture that, except that the ones gunning for you will, thanks to higher testosterone levels, be _way_ more aggressive, and instead of the looming threat of Glynda hanging over your stalkers' heads, they've got free reign."

Cinder grew steadily paler as he listed off exactly what she'd done. Roman and Neo had told her stories about what Jaune had gone through, and she'd dismissed them as rumors. At least, until she'd received independent confirmation. She knew exactly how crazy his life was on a day-to-day basis, and had reviewed them all before coming here.

Jaune gestured magnanimously towards the bottle of alcohol he had left next to her. "Take it," he smiled, "You're going to need it."

Cinder _did not_ bolt from the room. She _did not_ nearly melt the handle on her way out. And once she was in the hallway, she _did not_ pop the cap off and take several pulls straight from the bottle before heading straight to her room.

Back in his office, Jaune smirked. Neo materialized on the couch, grinning like cat that ate the canary, holding up her scroll, recording light on.

"Not bad for a first strike, eh?" he grinned at her.

The smiles wouldn't leave their faces for a long, long, _long_ time.

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

 **Sithking Zero: Coeur posted the newest chapter of PA today- Chapter 20, to be specific- when he had Cinder think this:**

" **The last thing she needed was some amorous fool believing he could get close to her…"**

 **And yet, isn't that where a lot of the Romantic Comedy from PA comes from? Girls thinking** _ **exactly that**_ **about their hot, single, powerful, charismatic Hunter Professor? And their wacky shenanigans resulting from their desires coming into conflict with Jaune's desire to not get fired for getting into a relationship? And he's only hiding that he lied to get in. Cinder's secrets mean that she's hiding shit that could crack open a continent. If the girls are willing to learn carpentry just to steal the locks off of his furniture and his unmentionables, and that's them** _ **holding back,**_ **the next few months for her are going to be a living hell the likes of which no one deserves. No, wait, sorry, I meant** _ **she completely deserves.**_

 **I sort of get the sense that the S3 finale in the universe based on this omake would be less "Pyrrha gets vaporized," and more "That's it! Everyone dies! Even if I have to** _ **de-orbit the moon to do it!"**_

 **All I can say is that Cinder?**

 **You done goofed.**


	12. Taiyang is Remnant for Chocolate

**Sithking Zero: RWBY and all associated characters, stories, concepts, and properties are the belongings of Rooster Teeth LLC. This is non-profit, fan-based story meant for humorous purposes only. No money was intended to be made in its creation.**

 **Was talking to Coeur. This was the result. I'm so not sorry.**

 **Professor Arc Omakes**

 **Chapter 12**

" **Taiyang" Is Remnant for "Chocolate."**

"Sir, you asked me to-"

"Ah, yes, Mr. Arc. Yes, have a seat," murmured Ozpin over his cup of coffee. "I'd like to introduce you to a comrade of mine, I think you may have met…"

"You sure?" grunted a scruffy-looking man leaning against one of Ozpin's bookshelves. "He doesn't look familiar…"

Mentally, Jaune groaned. "You were drunk at the time."

Qrow narrowed his eyes. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"You came to this school."

"Keep narrowing it down."

"Parent-teacher conferences?"

"Nope, don't remember that."

"You threatened to cut my head off if I said anything bad about your nieces?"

Qrow scratched his beard. "I do that a lot… sorry, kid."

"He does," chimed in Ozpin, "I seem to recall that mission in Vacuo-"

"And we agreed to never talk about that. What happens in Vacuo STAYS in Vacuo, remember?"

"Which is where the authorities would have liked to keep you if I hadn't pulled some strings, so perhaps you could cut down a tad on the liquor?" sniped Ozpin.

"I will as soon as you cut down on the caffine," snarked the scythe-wielder.

A pause.

"Fair enough."

"Um, sirs… Not that this hasn't been… enthralling, but why am I here?"

Ozpin folded his hands and calmly stared at the young professor over his glasses.

"Very well, straight to the point. Truly a refreshing attitude, given the circles that we move in, hm, Qrow?"

Qrow shrugged.

At Jaune's expectant look, Ozpin capitulated. "Very well. Mr. Arc, how much do you know of ancient legends?"

Jaune was taken aback, but recovered quickly. "A couple fairy tales, but not much… I was always a little more interested in recent events of hunters than the past."

Ozpin sighed, as if disappointed, but rallied. "Then we must ask you to keep a secret. One that may change balance of power throughout all of Remnant. Understand," he raised a hand to forestall the protest on Jaune's lips, "That we would not tell you under normal circumstances, especially with your… _exemplary,_ records, Mr. Arc."

Behind him, Qrow was making a very large and exaggerated pair of air quotes at the word 'exemplary,' but Jaune was in no mood to take in the lush's antics.

 _They know oh crap oh crap oh crap I'm gonna die they're gonna send me to prison and I'm clumsy I'll drop the soap and I finally looked up what that means and THAT'S NOT AN ENTRY PORT and mom and dad will be disappointed and I'll get a carreer making license plates-_

"Mr. Arc?"

 _Who's gonna help the girls, they'll be facing Cinder alone, and Roman and Neo will just do whatever they want- well, they weren't exactly constrained before, but at least I knew what they were doing and could keep them sorta on the radar. And Ruby will be crushed and OH ODIN'S MISSING EYE SHE'LL CRY and then Yang… well, actually she might be turned on by the whole thing, she's weird like that but only after she's kicked my ass for making Ruby cry… and I was just starting to get through to Blake, whoever takes over is going to have to start over…_

"Mr. Arc."

 _And poor RVNN, I screwed them over so badly and I can't make it right now, I mean Velvet has CRDL now but I still screwed up on that count and I need to make it right except NO WAIT I'M GOING TO JAIL so that's a thing now, because-_

" _MR. ARC."_

Jaune jolted in his seat, facing the glares of the two older hunters.

"If you're done having your little freak-out, Ozpin'd still like to explain some stuff to you," commented Qrow wryly.

"As I was saying," Ozpin resumed, an edge of steel in his voice as he shot a look at Qrow, "I was aware of your records the whole time. I may be… eccentric, but I am capable of identifying when someone is not being… on the level about records. I'm cleverer than I look, Jaune."

Jaune let out a cough that sounded oddly like "Lemur Statue," but let him continue.

"I let you in for several reasons. The first is that I thought it would be hilarious-"

"Wait, you trusted the mental health of all your students to an utter fraud? What if I had screwed up- Hell, I have screwed up! Look at what's happened to RVNN!" Jaune's voice rose in intensity as he continued. "Do you have any idea how badly it would have gone if I hadn't worked my-"

"May I continue?" the words had a touch of ice to them, but it was enough to cut through Jaune's diatribe. "Thank you. The second reason, is what we are going to tell you today."

Ozpin leaned back and took a long drought from his mug.

"I knew about you long before you came here, and have been looking to get a member of your family to join this school for a while now. You see, in every generation, there are what we call… Servants."

"You… you wanted a butler?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. The Servant is a type of… spirit, you could say, that is reborn in each generation, exclusively to males. There is a sort of counterpart- and I will tell you about that, but not today- for females only, but let's focus on this one."

"According to legend," Qrow began, "The gods made the female counterpart- the Maidens- to be the sword to destroy Remnant's enemies. The Servants were to be the shield, not merely of the body, but of the mind."

"There are several hallmarks which identify Servents, Jaune," Ozpin took over again, "They have exceptionally large pools of aura, for one, and they are… highly empathic. This is where we get legends of brave hunters sacrificing themselves for the greater good, taking down huge hordes striking at them from all directions- those who bear the gift cannot bear to see suffering of others, and use their talents to take the hits for them."

"A Servant can, to a limited degree, understand people better than they understand themselves, once their powers are fully awakened, and connect very easily to other people. Hell, even if they don't fully unlock their powers, they still tend to draw attention to them like a magnet. Stupid brothers-in-law…" grumbled Qrow.

"Okay, so that's interesting, and all… but why tell me this?" Jaune asked, quizzically. There was something in the back of his mind, though, something itching about the things he was told…

"Jaune," Ozpin said calmly, leaning forward once more, "I admit that my decision to hire you on as a counselor may have been a mistake if it was merely education that we were looking for. However, it wasn't." He took a deep breath, "Qrow and I have watched you… some more diligently than others," Ozpin shot a glare at Qrow, who continued to not care in the slightest, "And we are of the opinion that you," he pointed at Jaune's chest, "Are one of this generation's servants."

Out of all the responses that Ozpin and Qrow were expecting, Jaune to burst out laughing was, while not outside the realm of possibility, definitely near the bottom of the list.

"Oh, this is… this is rich. You guys think I'm some reincarnation of an ancient hero? What is this, a bad teenage drama?" he chuckled, "Seriously, that sounds seriously like you guys were just trying to add some metaphysical nonsense to a crazy world you made up."

"We're not making this up, and it does sound a little odd," admitted Qrow, now standing erect. "But we have evidence."

"Oh yeah?" shot back Jaune, standing now. "Like what."

"When you were in the infirmary with Ms. Kitsune," spoke Ozpin slowly, keeping eye contact with his fraudulent professor, "Did you think that all the things she put you through were purely for her own sick entertainment?"

"Yes."

Ozpin closed his eyes and nodded once. "Fair enough, some of them were _probably_ for that. But we were also running tests… and you do have the spirit inside you. Or rather, you have what are strong signs of the spirit, but was confirmed with other data."

"Your father was a confirmed Servant, Jaune," continued Qrow. "Servants have… traits that manifest a little more obviously than 'empathy' or 'self-sacrifice.'"

"The hair of gold, is a very strong indicator," added Ozpin, "As well as the potential for great fighting prowess. Nicholas has both… as well as the final indicator."

Both men shifted uncomfortably.

"Final Indicator…?"

"See, with their strong empathic senses, Servants are… well, there's no easy way to say this."

"They're babe magnets, Jaune," Qrow interrupted. "They attract women like flies to honey. And when they do settle down, they tend to… well be rather… let's just say that when you have a partner who listens to exactly what you want or need, you might start needing more than the average amount of birth control."

"So why do you think my dad-"

"Jaune, you have seven sisters," declared Ozpin.

Jaune opened his mouth… and then closed it. "Okay, fair point. But why tell me this now?"

"Because you've been getting closer and closer to so many people here at the school, and in the coming months, they're going to need you…" started Ozpin.

"But if you screw up, you're going to hurt a lot more, and we're going to need all the morale we can get," finished Qrow.

"What do you-"

"I made you Counsellor because you would do anything to help people. But you draw in people with a level of charisma that is frankly astounding. Your actions reflect on their psyche."

Jaune still looked confused, so Qrow slapped his own face and blurted "If you sleep with them you could cause a chain reaction of depression if things went south. Lots of people feeling angry or sad or scared…"

"And all the Grim could converge on this place," Jaune paled at the thought. Then shook himself. "Wait, how am _I_ that important? How is my _love life_ that important?"

"Your fan club-"

"Never mind, I understand perfectly," Jaune groaned as his head dropped into his hands.

"You have to keep in mind your actions," Qrow started, "My own brother-in-law is a Servant and he-"

"Wait, Ruby and Yang's dad is a Servant thing too?"

"Kid, the man is the sexual equivalent of high-quality chocolate. The man managed to sleep with every member of our team before it was disbanded. Hell," he snorted, "He got Raven, then after she went away, it was less than a year before Summer made the moves on him. The man is scary at how fast he works, and he doesn't even know it."

"Huh, I guess that explains why Ruby and Yang look so different but have such similar ages… hey, wait, 'slept with everyone on _our_ team?'" Jaune asked.

There was a long pause as Qrow took out his flask and drained it.

"And now you know why we warn you about your dangerous levels of charisma, however unintentional it may be, Mr. Arc," Ozpin smirked as Jaune paled slightly.

Qrow leaned forward and whispered two words.

" _Sexual. Chocolate."_

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, first things first, Jaune's opinion on what the "Servant" sounds like is my own opinion on the Maidens. Makes no sense, fairly cliché, and more than a little bullshit. Second, Sorry for the wait, guys, but here's another chapter. Third, no, Climbing Uphill is not on Hiatus. It's just been tough for me to write lately, I'll clarify when I get the next update out. Fourth, I talked with Coeur and basically we came to the conclusion that Taiyang is the sexiest man in Remnant unintentionally. I thought it was funny, here we go.**


	13. Witness Ruby

**Sithking Zero: RWBY and all associated characters, storylines, plots, concepts, or merchandise are the property of Rooster Teeth LLC. The following is a non-profit, fan-created story intended for comedic purposes and not for the purposes of monetary acquisition. Please support the official release.**

 **Okay, so let's start off with a little bit on the Maiden views I expressed last chapter: I'm not fond of the maidens, I don't think they fit particularly well, but this is just my opinion. If you disagree, that's fine. If you agree, that's fine. All opinions in this story are mine, or that of the characters doing in-character opinions.**

 **Second, if you guys want the Servant idea, you can have it. I just made it up to explain why Jaune was so inhumanly attractive, I don't really put any stock into it. Hell, it was mostly to explain why the males in RWBY seem so… Well, let's face it, they're ridiculously hot. Even to the other characters. I probably won't use the Servant thing again, but this "Men are hot" thing, oh my yes… it will return. I even have a thought for another omake… Mwa ha ha.**

 **And yes, a Glynda/Jaune Omake is in the works. Still working out a few plot points before I'm willing to commit to it.**

 **Anyway…**

 **Professor Arc Omakes**

 **Chapter 13**

 **Witness Ruby**

Behind the cool silver eyes burned a raging inferno.

They were conspiring against her, they all were.

 _Look at them,_ she seethed, _acting like they don't know, flinging themselves at him!_

They each professed that no, they had _other_ things to do, that they _didn't_ want his attention, but she was too smart for that! Look at how Velvet put up such a fuss about being on Pyrrha's team? Obviously the more she struggled, the more he'd see her. Blake _pretended_ that she wasn't enjoying spending time in 'detention' with him, but she always came back with a little secret smile, like she _knew_ something. Weiss? Tried to hide her porn stash, she did, but Ruby was too clever! She even found the stories Weiss was writing about a beautiful, lonely heiress and her handsome tutor! She might be terrible with people, but she wasn't _completely_ clueless. Only a fool could miss the glances that Ms. Goodwitch shot him. And Yang…

Well.

 _Yang._ Nothing more needs to be said, truly.

And now, out of the blue, comes this mysterious, exotic teacher claiming _her_ sempai? Daring to lay coral lips onto his, with her stupid, revealing dress, and legs that went on forever, and perfect breasts, and hair that was so smooth and silky that you just wanted to-

 _NO!_ She roared in her own mind, shaking her head in the real world as she lay in her bed, _GAH! I like boys! I like Jaune!_

 _Doesn't mean that you still wouldn't-_

"Stupid Sexy Cinder," she muttered to herself, blushing.

 _But that's beside the point,_ she continued mentally, _if even_ I'm _noticing these things… how will_ He _notice me!_

She let out a growl of frustration, drawing a raised eyebrow from Blake across the room, but this was ignored as Ruby stared at her stomach. _It's not fair! I drink milk, lots of milk! I rush in to save the day! I'm a hero! I'm mature!_

 _SO WHY WON'T HE NOTICE ME._

It was then that Yang exited the bathroom, wearing only a sports bra and a pair of boyshorts. Ruby's eyes widened at Yang's… Yang-ness.

 _That's it! I've been too subtle about the whole thing. I'm going to have to be… obvious, if I want him to notice me._

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

The next morning, Team RWBY and three-quarters of RVNN were eating breakfast with Professor Arc (Velvet choosing instead to eat with Team CRDL, and sitting oddly close to the leader as she did so).

Ruby kept shooting glances at her teacher over her toast. _Today,_ she thought, _it begins. Him noticing me, then we begin talking, and then spending time together, and then…_ well, one did not grow up in the presence of two Xiao-Longs without learning a thing or two about how mature adults spent their time…

And then eyes the color of a summer's day turned towards her, and her heartbeat sped up…

"Hey, Ruby, can you pass the milk?"

"Sure thing. Here you go, Jaune."

After she handed the milk to him, the table returned to the silence that had enveloped it earlier.

 _Say something,_ she thought. _Say something say something saysomethingsaysomethingsaysomething!_

She didn't say anything.

 _Dammit._

 **ATTEMPT ONE AT BEING OBVIOUS: FAILURE.**

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

It was Tuesday, time for Ruby's detention with her sempai _who still wasn't noticing her damn it,_ but Ruby had a plan.

"So you seem pretty busy," she stated as nonchalantly as possible, batting her eyes at him.

He nodded once in acknowledgement. "Yes, well, taking care of students who decide to go hunting terrorists in Giant Robot Suits isn't one of those things you can rush."

The barb stung her, but she shook it off. Had she not received plenty of wounds when learning how to operate Crescent Rose? Had she not suffered greater humiliation and admonishment when she accidentally pinned herself to a billboard? Pain was temporary, but the rewards… so very worth it.

"Well, I was just wondering… and thinking… what if there was a way to free up some of your time?"

A quirked eyebrow was his response. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," she began, "I do know what your day is typically like," and here, unnoticed by Ruby, Jaune stiffened slightly, "And I did once take over your duties, so I know I can do at least some of the things you can."

Left unspoken by the Reaper was that that particular day was as punishment for nearly getting him killed via Roman Torchwick, and that less than half a day doing his job had left her as a barely-awake shell, but she forced those thoughts out of her mind.

"Furthermore, if you delegate these tasks to me, well…" she dropped her hands into her lap and looked downcast for a moment, "I'm trying to be a leader… but it's hard. Blake still keeps secrets, Weiss judges everything I do, and Yang…"

"Yang I understand," he interrupted. Then paused, before continuing, "Actually, I don't understand Yang, but I understand enough to know that if I did understand, I would go mad."

Ruby giggled. "Best description I've heard for her. But if you were to give me some work, it could help me work alongside the other wonderful leaders of this school," she continued, laying it on with a backhoe, "And then I'd be able to see how they work and get better myself!"

"So… something like extra credit?"

"Yeah! I'd be grateful to work alongside all the great leaders-" _you specifically,_ "at this school!"

Jaune leaned back in his seat, stroking his chin, deep in thought. _It's working! He's thinking about it!_

"You know what? That's a fairly good idea, Ms. Rose." _Yes!_

"I think we can arrange something." _This is the best idea ever!_

"Peter will be happy to have an assistant to help him prepare for classes."

…

 _I've made a horrible mistake._

 **ATTEMPT TWO AT BEING OBVIOUS: FAILURE.**

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

Ruby stumbled back to her dorm, barely making it to her bed before collapsing face-down.

"How was Professor Port?" asked Blake idly, flipping a page on one of her novels.

"Gmpffhlmp," Ruby eloquently replied. Zwei let out a concerned whine and licked her hand, leading to Ruby scratching his ears.

"Did he have you testing his speeches this time, or organizing his collection of trophies?"

"Ffmph."

Weiss winced. "Both?"

"Hmhm."

"Sorry."

"Well," Yang said, and Ruby could _hear_ the grin in her voice, "You better get enough sleep for tomorrow."

"Mglfm?"

"Don't tell me you forgot!"

Ruby finally lifted her head. "Little bit, yeah."

Yang raised her arms in glee, "Field trip with Port and the Professor to study Grimm in the wild!"

"Professor…?" Weiss led.

Yang snorted. "Jaune, duh. Only teacher around here I respect enough to call Professor."

"What about Glynda?"

"There's a difference between respect and terror, Blake," Yang shuddered. "Besides," she whipped out a hanger, "It'll give me the perfect opportunity to try out this little outfit for him."

Blake's eyebrow rose. "That's… that's an empty hanger."

"Exactly, and it'll go well with this," she held up a bottle of baby oil.

"… How is it that I was a member of a group whose stated goal was humanity's extinction and yet I'm still not the craziest person in this room?" Blake asked the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Ruby's mind was racing. This was it! She might not be good with… she paused, tapping a finger to her chin, well, people, or emotions, or talking… or anything involving normal interactions between individuals…

Where was she going with this?

Oh, yes, she might not be good with people, but when it came to fighting, there were very few who could be as good as she was. Unfortunately, those individuals were mostly on her team (and Pyrrha Nikos, but that's just splitting hairs). So she'd have to stand out _extra_ hard to get noticed.

Her eyes caught a glint of light off of her partner's hand, and silver eyes caught the tiny brush apply perfect amounts of nail polish to pale, slender fingers.

 _Of course! Paint! Bright colors and shiny things draw the eye!_ Ruby realized, eyes practically glowing with inspiration. _But I can't paint my fingernails, Weiss is already doing that. Can't paint my toes, no one in their right mind would wear non-closed footwear into Grimm-infested areas…_ Ruby squinted slightly as Blake tried desperately to convince her partner to actually wear _clothes_ the next day, _well, no one except my sister… wait! If everything else has been done before, what about face painting!_

 _No, that wouldn't work, I couldn't just paint myself before it, then the others would see me doing it, realize my utter brilliance, and copy me! So I'd have to do it during. And face paint will take too long to dry…_

Her fingers dangled off the side of the bed, briefly brushing against a can she had bought for a potential tune-up of her baby. Her eyes widened.

 _Brilliance! No one will see this coming! But what do I say! The last two times I tried to talk to him I screwed it up! Wait, I was trying to talk like me. But Jaune hangs out with Professor Port! He must like something that Port does… and I do know how his speeches go…_

Ruby Rose let out a sinister smile as her plan came together…

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

The plan to stealthily observe Grimm in the Emerald Forest with Professor Port had, predictably, gone catastrophically wrong.

While Ruby had managed her sister to actually wear clothes to the stakeout, and Blake had promised to reign her boisterous partner in- physically, if need be- and Zwei had been walked and fed before they left, there was still an unpredictable factor that said that things would quickly turn bad.

This factor's name was Peter Port, who had determined that an Ursa Major had been "Challenging his Manly Prowess to a duel," and had charged across the clearing straight at it, roaring at the top of his mighty lungs.

The clearing, which was filled with dozens of Ursas and Beowolves, not to mention a sleeping Deathstalker.

Things had deteriorated rather quickly after that.

Team RWBY and both Professors had quickly been surrounded, and were at risk of being buried under a black tide.

Ruby knew that it was the perfect time to put her plan into action.

A few bursts of her Semblance, and she was next to the target of her affection. His face was locked in a determined scowl, his jacket billowing slightly as he twisted this way and that to dispatch another Ursa… he was truly magnificent. She took a deep breath as she fired a few bursts from Crescent Rose.

"Oh, what a day!" she declared loudly, ducking under a Beowolf's strike, "What a LOVELY day!"

"I'm- ugh," Jaune grunted as an Ursa's paw skittered off his shield, "Glad you think that, Ruby… could do with a- unf- few less Grimm, but I guess it's okay…"

"By your hand," she loudly continued, "I will rise from the ashes of this world!"

Jaune turned to face her.

"Ruby, what are- wait, no, stop-"

Ruby had whipped out a can and began spraying herself in the face. When she turned back to him, her face was as reflective as a mirror.

"I FIGHT FOR GLORY, SHINY AND CHROME FOR YOU!" she screamed, before inhaling deeply in the face of Jaune's slack-jawed confusion.

"SEMPAI!" she roared, extending Crescent Rose into its scythe mode, before leaping into the thickest concentration of Grimm in front of them, "NOTICE MEEEEEEEEE~!"

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

Ruby cracked her eyes open.

Everything hurt.

She groaned.

"Oh, good, you're awake," came a welcome voice. She winced. _Well, perhaps not that welcome. Ow._

"W… what happened…" she groaned as Jaune moved his chair to the side of her bed.

"Well, you started commenting on the weather before you went crazy, huffed chrome spray paint, and then tried to body-slam a group of Beowolves. I was sort of hoping that you could tell me."

"I… uh… " _LIE! LIE DAMN YOU LIE!_ "I don't remember…"

"That could be the head injuries you suffered."

"Why can't I feel my arm and leg?"

"Broken, Kitsune pumped you so full of painkillers it's kind of amazing that you're awake right now."

"Oh…" Ruby mused. "That might explain why you have a third eye in the center of your forehead…"

"You're a tad cross-eyed right now."

"Okay."

Jaune rubbed his forehead. "Look, Ruby… you were my first friend when I came here to Beacon." He reached down and took her hand that wasn't in a cast. "You… your friendship means a lot to me." Jaune either ignored or didn't notice how Ruby's face flushed at that. "If you're having a problem… like not being able to sleep, or huffing paint… or apparently going crazy on the battlefield for no adequately explained reason…" he hesitated, "I'd like to think you can talk to me about this sort of thing, all right?"

Ruby mutely nodded.

"I'd like to see you for two hours this next week, make sure that you're feeling all right, understand? Just a precaution…"

Ruby nodded again, her heart beating at a million miles an hour.

"I'll let you get some sleep," he smiled at her, patting her hand before walking away.

And then Ruby was alone.

Her face roughly the same color as her cloak, wrapped in a hospital gown with two of her limbs in casts and her aura deep in the danger zone, on enough painkillers to knock out a rhino… and yet she smiled.

"I… I did it… Sempai noticed me…"

This was the best day ever.

 **ATTEMPT THREE AT BEING OBVIOUS: SUCCESS!**

 **GTAC GTAC GTAC GTAC**

Sithking Zero: Okay, if you ever wanted to know why "Mad Max: Fury Road" and "Professor Arc" should never be crossed over… wonder no more.

I'd like to say that I'm sorry that we're losing a great story; "One Good Turn," Coeur's first fanfiction and the story that introduced me to Professor Arc (which got me back into writing) has just ended. It's an excellent story, and everyone should read it. It's Blake/Jaune written realistically, and it's absolutely wonderful. I love it so much, but it has just ended. I will miss it.

But fear not, for Coeur has already started on the next romance story, this one Lancaster (Ruby/Jaune) about a world where Remnant runs on RPG mechanics. It's called "Forged Destiny," and it's already out. Check it out, because Coeur is amazing.


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